"Yes, you can bring it out. But it will take both of you to do it. You’ll have to work together.”
Excitedly, they scampered off to bring out the toy they wanted to play with. It’s not heavy, but it’s big and awkward. I figured it would take both of them to carry it from the corner out into the living room. I went back to the kitchen to finish fixing breakfast, satisfied that they could do it without my help.
Clearly, my idea of working together is different than theirs. When I peeked into the living room from the kitchen, I saw Logan carrying the toy and Ryan standing behind him, giving directions. My born-pleaser was working hard to make my born-leader happy. It was working. This time. But I have to watch, so that my leader doesn’t take advantage of his ‘pleaser’ brother. Some days are not so successful, and both the leader and the pleaser end up in tears—the leader because his ideas weren’t followed; the pleaser because his buddy, the leader, isn't happy.
“How to channel this” is a near constant refrain in my head. My leader needs to learn mercy, compassion, and the art of being a good leader. And, he needs to learn to follow directions well himself! My pleaser needs to assertiveness, strength, and independence. And, he would benefit from learning how to work WITH people, not just FOR them. Fortunately, they are only 6. There is time…