so it begins

“Mom, there’s a kiwi in my lunch!  Did you remember to pack me a fork??” he said, with exasperation in his voice.

“Of course” I answered, laughing at his exaggerated tone.  “What do you think I am?  Stupid?” 

Giggles erupted from the back seat.  “No!  Not you, Mom.  You’re not stupid!”  His voice turned somber.  “But moms in China are.”

I took a deep breath.  I hadn’t expected that, and knew I had to tread carefully.  “Tell me what you mean by that.” 

Praying silently for wisdom, I listened as he expressed frustration at his “stupid” China mom who left him when he was a tiny baby.  “What kind of mom does that?  Why would a smart mom leave her baby at a hospital when she knows he needs her? A doctor can’t take care of a baby like a mom can.  Or should.” 

The hurt was evident in his voice.  How to help him see it wasn’t stupidity that led to his abandonment without exposing him to the harsh reality of a culture that values physical perfection?   “Remember the picture we have of you when you were a tiny baby?  The one that shows you with your open lip?”  In the rearview mirror I saw him nod.

“In China, it takes lots of money to take care of babies with open lips like you had.  We don’t know for sure, but we think probably your China mom and China dad didn’t have enough money to take care of you, to have a doctor fix your lip and your mouth.  And without those being fixed, it’s hard to feed a baby.  So maybe your China mom wasn’t being stupid.  Maybe she was doing the best she could to make sure you got taken care of.  We don’t really know for sure.”

Silence as he pondered that.  “Mom?  If my China mom hadn’t left me, then I wouldn’t live with you, would I?  I wouldn’t have Daddy and Brent and Hailey and Sissy and Tori and Ryan either, would I?”   “Nope.  Probably not.”  “Well…then God must know what He’s doing, because this is a pretty awesome place to live.  Maybe she wasn’t stupid at all.”

Whew.  To see a beginner’s grasp on God’s sovereignty and omnipotence is cool.  To see contentment (for now, anyway) with how things are is amazing.  To know that regardless of what questions are thrown out, God is merciful, and He provides wisdom when it is needed?  Priceless. 

already better than it started

I will give thanks to the LORD because of his righteousness and will sing praise to the name of the LORD Most High.  ~Psalm 7:17

I will praise you, O LORD, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonders.  I will be glad and rejoice in you; I will sing praise to your name, O Most High.  ~Psalm 9:1-2

Today started out with a sense of dread.  I don’t know how else to describe it—it was simply a sense of dread.  School, for big and little people.  Speech therapy.  Laundry.  And over it all was hanging a dreaded call to the IRS.  Again.  For a tax year that we’ve had questions about since the taxes were originally filed.

So, I started the laundry, ate breakfast, prayed, and took a deep breath.  Picked up the phone and called the IRS to ask (again) about the issue in question.  It’s the adoption tax credit for Logan’s adoption.  And because it’s a carry-forward, we’re talking small(er) dollars here, not thousands or tens of thousands.  Nevertheless…

When I called this morning, I had some very specific questions for the examiner.  Things like “Why are you denying a credit of $xxx when I only claimed $yyy to begin with?  And the amount I claimed is LESS than what you are denying?  AND the amount I claimed is made up of 2 parts—1 part in question, 1 part not in question.  What’s with that?”  Finally, we were blessed with an examiner who saw exactly what I was asking.  She didn’t have the answer but took copious notes (and my phone number!) and promised a manager’s review of my legitimate questions, complete with a personal phone call and answers, by Friday.  Thanks God!  She understood my questions but not what had been done to our return and felt that we were, in fact, correct.  She apologized for not hearing us before (this is my 3rd or 4th or 5th phone call, plus several letters, all unanswered to this point) and not addressing our questions.  

While I was on the phone with the IRS, my cell phone buzzed.  Our speech therapist has sick children (not good) and is unable to do therapy today (most excellent!).  So, in addition to the blessing of being heard at the IRS, God heard my cry for some relief in the schedule.  We have no therapy today…only time to enjoy school and get caught up on some other things that have been pushed off and pushed off.  I feel as though a thousand pounds have been lifted off my shoulders.  

On top of all this, last night I had a wonderful, fun phone call from our oldest.  He’s been struggling with some things, and for the first time in a very long time there’s enthusiasm and excitement in his voice.  He sounds good.  REALLY good.  We laughed and talked and did some vision-casting for his future.  And he likes what he sees!  There’s not much better for lightening a burden than knowing things are right with your children.  Again, only God could do that.  I am blessed! 

It’s going to be a good day.  No, a GREAT day! 

My mouth is filled with your praise, and with your glory all the day.  ~Psalm 71:8

not a good week

One of the ‘hallmarks’ of Logan’s learning/developmental issues is the back-and-forth nature.  Some weeks are excellent, and he can do and remember lots.  Some weeks are not so good, and we struggle to maintain the level of learning we had worked so hard to accomplish.  And some weeks are like this one, where it feels like I’ve got a 3 year old in the house instead of a 7 year old. 

It’s been tough.  Overwhelmingly difficult.  One of those weeks I’d really rather never repeat.  A week where I am certainly not proud of how I behaved as a parent.  The only positive thing I can say is that yesterday, when I got to the place where I couldn’t take any more without flipping out, I sent him to his room, letting him know that I was too frustrated to deal with him at the moment, and that it would be better for all of us if he spent some time on his bed thinking about what he’d done and how he could have responded to the problem in a more appropriate fashion.   (He was playing on the computer, and somehow managed to reset the user password on not one but 2 accounts on this computer.  This was after he removed a cemented in orthodontic appliance and a few other equally frustrating, equally confounding things.)  Once I took several (many?) deep breaths, I trudged up the stairs and gave him a hug.  Told him I was sorry for yelling, and we went over what to do when you come to something you don’t understand.  Reminded him that asking questions is always okay, and that it’s always better to ask for help when you are using someone else’s things than it is to try and fix it and make the problem worse.  We prayed together, had a good snuggle, then headed back downstairs to finish fixing dinner.  His sunny disposition returned.  And he’s worked hard at controlling his impulses and asking for help.

But we’re seeing evidence of the decline (that we know is temporary) in other things.  His speech has taken a real hit.  At therapy today, many of his sounds were nearly incomprehensible.  The things he blew through last week were nigh unto impossible today.  Such is the way of apraxia.  And some of his learning differences.  We hope that this temporary loss means that his brain is processing other big things and we’ll see a developmental leap in some other area.  In the meantime, I am barely hanging on, waiting for the weekend.  I am extremely grateful for the opportunity to do some tag-team parenting, and some physical labor out of doors.  There are pine needles to rake, and a bed for the sweet peas that needs to be prepared.  There are cars to wash and branches to pick up from the yard.  Fresh air and manual labor do wonders.  For all of us.  And maybe, if Saturday goes well, we’ll find some time to do something fun.  Make ice cream maybe? 

Time to tie an knot and hang on, I guess…

…and rejoice in the words of Lamentations 3

“Because of the Lord’s great love  we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.  They are new every morning…  The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him…  Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.  For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men...”  (Lam. 3: 22-23, 25, 32-33)

a ‘normal’ day

Several people have asked recently what a ‘normal’ day looks like at our house.  Although the schedule varies some, here are the basics:

5:45 rise and shine.  Unload dishwasher, make coffee for Jim’s thermos, make his lunch, fix his breakfast.  He leaves at 6:30.  Then Tori gets up for school, and I fix her breakfast and lunch, and make her a cup of coffee.  She’s out the door at 7:15 or so, and I get myself ready for the day.  The boys eat breakfast about 8, and we’re typically ready to go between 8:30 and 9.  Then, we do…

• school (M/T/W/Th)
• therapy (speech M/T/Th; occupational Tuesday only; need to add physical therapy to the calendar)
• laundry (M/W/F, other days as needed)
• keeping house (M/T/W/Th/F)
• errands (W generally, sometimes M or F afternoon)
• helping homeschool a high school friend (M/W)
• sports practice (M/Th)
• preschool (Tuesdays. I teach, the boys are junior helpers)
• all the other stuff (pay bills, file, make phone calls, take care of business) required to keep the family running smoothly (M/T/W/Th/F)  This is done while the boys get playtime.  :)

It looks sorta like this, graphically:

Frequently, I need more hours in my day…or to use my time more efficiently!  :)

Some days things are different.  Today I’ve got an extra all day.  She’s darling (and little!) but it definitely changes the flow around here.  Then Friday, my ‘catch-up’ day, is likely to be spent making a round trip to Pullman.  Em is coming home for spring break, and because of her class schedule can’t get a ride back.  We’ll see.  While I’d prefer to not make the 600 mile round trip, I would really love to see her (duh!)  so road trip it is!  Fortunately, I don’t mind the drive, and I haven’t been to Pullman since August.  Plus, the weather is supposed to be gorgeous, so I’m game for it.  :)

So…seeing it laid out, it doesn’t seem like that much.  So why does it feel so overwhelming some days??

goofball!

The boys asked yesterday if we could make chocolate chip cookies today.  Since I’m going to be gone for the weekend, I told them it sounded like a wonderful idea—Daddy and Tori love chocolate chip cookies!  So imagine my surprise this morning over this conversation:

Ryan:  Can I play XBox?

Mom:  Umm…as soon as I start the washing machine we’re going to make cookies.  You’re going to help, right?

Ryan:  Mom, I don’t want to help.

Mom:  Not at all?

Ryan:  Well, not with this part.  I want to help.  Can I do the ‘after-the-oven’ part?

Mom:  The ‘after-the-oven’ part?

Ryan (with a HUGE grin):  Yep.  The part where you EAT THEM!

Goofball!  I laughed so hard…   Now he’s playing XBox and I’m ready to bake cookies with my ‘before-the-oven’ helper.

life lesson #347

 

“There is a time for everything…”  Ecclesiastes 3:1

It easier—much, much, MUCH easier—to parent a child from birth to high school graduation than it is to help them navigate the years from graduation to complete independence.

With 6 children, we have every learning style and love language here.  We have strong will kids and compliant ones. Bold, in-your-face kids and quiet, reserved ones too.  Artists and architects, engineers and athletes.  Some are firmly rooted with much common sense, others are a bit more:::spacey, shall we say.  :)   There are kids who are too smart for their own good and those with significant learning and behavior issues.  But they all have one thing in common:  during childhood, all have had clear boundaries, high expectations, and appropriate consequences for misbehavior.  We’ve never had public temper tantrums or food thrown on the floor (not more than once per child anyway!).  They learn early how to behave appropriately, and there’s virtually nowhere we wouldn’t be able to take them.  It’s fun to have them able to share life with us in this way, and worth the effort it takes.  They learn early on here that ‘no’ means ‘no’ from Mom and Dad.  They understand that we expect age-appropriate behavior, and we will correct inappropriate actions.  They understand that while there are lots of ‘no’ in their world, Mom and Dad do their best to provide as many ‘yes’ answers as they can.  The ‘no’ are primarily for safety and protection—of themselves, others, and things around them.

When our big guys were small, someone in our life expressed concern that we were far too hard on them, that our expectations were just plain too high.  Our children would hate us when they were teens—they would be rebellious and nasty.  Over the years, though, a funny thing has happened.  That person’s children (there were none when ours were very small) are now approaching the teen years and ours are mostly grown.   And she wonders why her children are so difficult while ours were pleasant, delightful teens.  Ummm….you reap what you sow??

Anyway, although everyone here is healthy and (mostly) happy, this ‘early adult’ phase is challenging.  College decisions are hard.  Career choices can be painful, especially when it’s hard to figure out how to get from where you are to where you want to be.   Catching a vision and finding the resources to pursue it isn’t easy.  Rejection hurts, whether it comes from a program you hope to study, a career you hope to pursue, or a person you hope to spend your life with.  The skinned knees and blatant outright defiance of the early years are a cakewalk compared to the heartaches and broken dreams that come in the early adult years.  Then, a kiss and a cookie (or some appropriate discipline!) took care of the issue.  Now, there’s very little I can do but listen and love.  Pray.  Be there.  Encourage.  Pray more.  Offer advice (cautiously.  And sparingly!)  Listen more.  Pray more.   Help them explore new dreams and catch new visions.  Remind them that what doesn’t kill them will make them stronger.  (Yeah sure!)  Grab their hands and help them hang on to hope…because sometimes that’s all there is. 

Great is thy faithfulness, O God my Father

There is no shadow of turning with thee…

..Strength for today and bright hope for tomorrow,

Blessings all mine, and ten thousand beside.

(Great is Thy Faithfulness words by Thomas O Chisholm, 1923.  Music by William N Runyan, 1923.)

a success…and a better idea of what we’re up against

It’s been an interesting week.  Some changes to our normal schedule, and several of us STILL recovering from the wicked nasty stomach virus and cold that have plagued us since February 4.  I will say—it’s nice to be feeling fully human again.

We had a huge success this week!  It is so fun to see things starting to click for our guy.  He struggles with much academically, but this week made great strides.  Working on his math worksheet, he did one of the addition problems:  7 + 4 = ______  He got out his math blocks (the 7 block and the 4 block) and set them side by side.  After looking at them for a moment, he picked up the 7 block and said “7.”  Then he proceeded to move the the 4 block and count “8…9…10…11.”  Prior to this, he’s needed to start at 1 every time and count the blocks.  To see him grasp that he can start at the end of the first math block was amazing.  It was what came next, though, that had me jumping up and down.  He worked through problem 3 and problem 4 in the same fashion.  Then we got to problem 5:  7 + 5 = ___________.  He looked at me, then said, “I know!  It’s 12.”  I must have looked at him funny, because he immediately started explaining:  “7 + 4 = 11, so 7 + 5 = 12 because 12 is 1 more than 11, and 5 is 1 more than 4.”  I think the neighbors on the next street heard the yelling.  I am SO PROUD of him!  That’s a huge concept for him to get. 

AND we’re getting a handle on some things that are helping with the phonics instruction.  He doesn’t decode (put sounds together to make words) well yet, but he encodes (breaks a word down into its phonetic parts—basically spelling) well.  So we’ve changed some things around in his phonics lessons and we’re seeing more and more success there.  He LOVES getting things right, and the more we learn about how he learns, the more he learns.  It’s a good pattern,  :)

The better idea of what we’re up against?  Well, try this one:  2 days ago we had a conversation.  He asked me to write something on the whiteboard for him.  He wanted to remember later in the day for Daddy.  Hearing loss and language processing difficulties definitely came into play.  He asked me to write “Pass the Sold House” on the board.  After several minutes, lots of clarifying questions (and some tearing my hair out, if I’m honest) I discovered that he had been watching This Old House on PBS and they were running a special that night, with updates on “past this old house” homes.  Yep.  “Past This Old House” had become “Pass the Sold House”.  The problem?  He just doesn’t hear the difference between the 2 sentences.  No matter how I enunciate, he cannot distinguish the 2.   It will keep our lives interesting, to say the least.

Hopefully soon I’ll get some concentrated time to pull together a more formal plan to get my guy moving ahead.  In the meantime, we’re praising God for success and insight this week.

hope

“Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord.”

~Ps 31:24

(The basketball hoop, from the snow and ice storm January 19.  We ended up with 5” of snow covered with 1” of ice, then topped with another 1” of snow.  Gorgeous but dangerous.)

It’s been a long week.  I think I’m glad we’re finally to the end, quite frankly.  If it were up to me, we’d cancel the rest of today and tomorrow and move straight into Saturday.

Last weekend was crazy busy.  Sick people (read that an adult male) at home.  Last home basketball game of the season, with the concomitant responsibilities (concession stand food, senior night activities, post game clean up).  Winter storm clean up.  Baby shower.  Wedding.  Anticipation of a meeting with the neuropsychology team at Children’s on Monday.  Sunday night, it all blew up.  I came home from the wedding with a killer migraine and promptly fell asleep on the sofa.  I’m sure the migraine and resulting nausea were stress induced.  Monday wasn’t much better—speech therapy and school for the little guys while battling a migraine isn’t fun.  We survived.  After lunch, I dropped the dynamic duo off with their big sister, met up with Jim, and headed to the hospital to discuss the results of the testing.

I am SO glad we did this!!  I was incredibly nervous going into Monday afternoon’s meeting.  Although I knew for sure that we would learn some things, I had this irrational fear that we would be told either a) he’s totally normal and everything is all in your heads; or b) this is as good as it’s ever going to get and you’d better figure out how you’re going to handle having him live with you for the rest of your lives because he’s never going to be able to learn.  Neither, of course, is true. 

Instead, the afternoon meeting was filled with laughter, good news, and great news.  The good news is that  neither of the extremes I feared is remotely close to true.  He has some fairly significant learning issues, but they can be overcome.  We also learned something totally fascinating!  Kids with craniofacial issues like cleft lip and cleft palate often have brain differences too.  Those systems all form at the same time.  The issue?  Some of the brain development is delayed, and it can be as much as 2 years delayed.  (That explains our concern about a 4 or 5 year old in a 7 year old’s body!)  Craniofacial kids will be neurologically delayed by about 2 years for much of their formative life, catching up somewhere around age 23-25 because of the brain’s neuroplasticity (ability to adapt).  Amazing!  The great news?  Although the doctor is not a proponent of home education, she’s all for it in his case.  When we did the pre-assessment interview, I outlined my concerns for her and shared my observations.  On testing day, I filled out 4 questionnaires and had a long conversation with the doctor.  He performed nearly 100% to what I had reported, seen, and observed!  That’s almost unheard of.  She was so surprised to have a parent that ‘in tune’ with their child!!  Umm….hello???  We are TOGETHER roughly 16 hours/day every single day.  I see how he learns…or doesn’t.  She was impressed with our curriculum selections for him…almost all exactly what he needs:  hands-on, mastery based math.  Reading based science/history/language arts.  Multi-sensory phonics instruction.  We’ve got it covered, even before knowing what the issues are.

I wish I could say everything is now just peachy.  It’s not.  And, quite frankly, I expect a bumpy road for many years.  But we have a much better handle on what to expect and on how to help him learn.  The doctor wants him reevaluated next January, so we’ve got some things to accomplish!  It is my fervent hope we can go in next winter and show her just what a homeschooled student can do.  I don’t anticipate that he’ll be able to read fluently, but that’s okay.  Keeping his ‘brain age’ in mind, I’m going to hide away some weekend soon and set some goals for him.  I know he’s capable of more than we’re doing now…it’s more a matter of adjusting things here so that we have the right mix of lessons and reinforcement to see success.  Knowing that we’re doing the right thing for him helps on the tough days.  Keeping the big picture in mind, we move forward!

With renewed hope…

“For I know the plans I have for you’, declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  ~Jeremiah 29:11

an award!! :)

Oh wow!  My friend Anne at Strawberry Monkey Files gave me my first ever blog award.  :)  Anne writes about her adventures of a homeschooling mom, her crafting, and just life in general.  We love to watch her Rachel grow, and of course it helps that at our house Rachel is a very favorite playmate!  Sadly, playdates with Rachel and her beautiful mom Anne are few and far between…

Anyway, the Liebster Award is for blogs with less than 200 followers (yes, I definitely qualify!).  It is given with the hope that the blog will continue to grow and find more friends and followers.  "Liebster" is a German word that means "dearest" or "beloved" and also can mean "favorite."

So, the idea is to bring attention to your favorite blogs with less than 200 followers. Since I received this award, I now get to pass it on to five of my own favorite bloggers.  I hope that you will check them out -

Here are the rules for Liebster Award recipients:

1. You can thank the blogger who gave you the award by linking back to them.
2. Reveal your five picks for the award and let them know.
3. Post the award on your blog.  (You can save the image from this post and the upload it to your blog).
4. Bask in the love from the most supportive people on the Blogshare - other bloggers.
5. Finally, have FUN and enjoy spreading the love! :)

And here are my five picks for the Liebster Award:

1. Amanda, at …”Brackish and Incandescent”…
2. Elaine, at Friday is Pizza, Monday is Soup
3. Kelli, at Waiting for Sprout…and now for XiaoMei
4. Jana, at From Jesus’ Lips to My Ear
5. Kari, at Keeping up with the Colleges
6. Laura, at Whimsical-Beauty

Okay, so I clearly can’t count!  I couldn’t leave just one of these favorites off…as a matter of fact, I could probably add another dozen or so to my list!  But we’ll stop here for now…

Enjoy some blog-hopping this rainy afternoon. 

a fallen hero

It’s always interesting to see how God connects people.  In January 2010, Brent was sitting in medical at USMC boot camp, waiting to be ‘dropped’ into a new company to finish his training.  I wasn’t sure what to expect—I’d made some good friends with the moms of Delta Company, and having to shift to a new group (already well established, I might add) is never my favorite thing to do.  But God always provides, sometimes in interesting ways.  :)  One of the Mike Company moms was friends with an east coast homeschooling friend of mine.  Dorothy ‘introduced’ us, and we became Marine Mom friends.  I met Phyllis briefly at Brent’s graduation from boot camp…she was there watching her 2nd Marine finish.  It was so nice to have an ‘experienced’ mom to encourage me!  She was always willing to listen, to answer questions, to share her wisdom and her love.  Her zest for life is contagious!  (We’ve continued to stay in touch, even though Brent is no longer active duty.  Once a MoM (Mom of a Marine), always a MoM!)  She understood it all, having been there before with her firstborn, as well as going through it with her 2nd and waiting for her 3rd to head off to boot camp. Yes, Phyllis has 3 Marines.  Her husband is retired Air Force, so she understands military life.  And it’s risks.

Wednesday night Phyllis, her husband Dave, their other children, and their daughter in law Sarah received the news noone ever wants to get.  Corporal Philip McGeath, deployed to Afghanistan and due home in just 2 weeks, was killed in action by a suicide bomber.   My heart breaks for this family.  So dedicated to service, they are paying the ultimate price.  And there’s no way to help alleviate the pain for them.  Anything I can say feels so much like a platitude.  I can’t begin to understand the depth of their pain…I can only imagine.  It takes me to places I never want to go, especially knowing my own son is likely reenlisting. 

Today, Phyllis, Dave, and their children flew to Dover AFB to receive Philip’s body and bring it home.  There will be a service on Saturday January 28 in Arlington, TX.  With all my heart I wish I could be there. 

Rest in peace, Philip.  Your courage and service to this country will not be forgotten.  Your sacrifice has not gone unnoticed.  Your family will not be alone through this—they will be held up by the prayers of those who love them.

Philip McGeath and his mom, Phyllis

 

Philip and Sarah, July 2010.