yeah sure

Came home from Portland today. We had a great holiday--visited with friends, met new little people, and enjoyed a thoroughly relaxing time. We even had some time with just Logan, since Ryan headed back to Seattle on Saturday morning with the girls. He got some special time with them; we got some special time with Logan.

When we got here, one of the first things I saw was Brent's shoes sitting just inside the laundry room door. Took them up to 'his' room and it hit me--he's really gone. Boot camp starts Tuesday. I KNOW it will be good for him. I KNOW that he will be fine. But here, surrounded by all his things and by pictures of him, there's a hole. I miss him. It doesn't really matter how 'ready' I am for him to take this step, he's still gone. And I'm sure it will be several weeks before I can make it through an entire week without tears. That's how it was when he left for college, and we could talk and text then. This time--not so much. Hopefully he'll write.... I know I will.

:(

Well, we put Brent on the plane today. Tuesday he leaves for USMC basic training...

Today wasn't as hard as I thought it might be. Tuesday? Not sure yet...

How do you answer this??

The boys and I have spent some time recently with several families who have new babies. As a result, they've had more questions than normal about babies. That's not a huge surprise. We've had some fun conversations about what babies can and can't do, and they've loved holding little babies. But nothing prepared me for Monday afternoon....

After some little friends who had spent the morning with us went home, Ryan blew my mind with this question:

"Mommy, tell me about my China mommy. What do you know about her?"

HARD! We know nothing about Ryan's biological family. Nothing. So what did I tell him? Well, the truth. I told him that I don't know anything for sure, but that his China mommy was probably not very big, that she is probably very pretty, and that she's probably younger than me. That satisfied him for now, but I know there will be more questions.

In the meantime, today as we drove to Portland, we were regaled with story after story of what the China mommies and China daddies (Ryan's and Logan's) are doing right now since their special little boys live here. Heartbreaking and fun at the same time--heartbreaking to hear them telling stories that show how they're trying to work through their abandonments, and fun to see their creative juices flowing. They came up with some GREAT stories.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving! We're going to enjoy one last day with Brent before he heads off to boot camp. I know it will be fun to spend time with Jim's family and I am determined to ENJOY my day. There will be plenty of time for tears on Friday.

unbelievable!

Ryan will be 5 in 2 months. He's quite a dinky little guy--weighs in at about 30 pounds on a good day. That puts him just UNDER the 3rd percentile for his age, meaning that 97% of children his age weigh more than he does. He's tiny. But he loves to eat. Case in point:

Tonight for dinner, Ryan had 2 bowls of chili, 3 cinnamon rolls, and a whole bunch of carrot sticks and cucumber slices for dinner. We ate at 6. I just put him to bed...and he sobbed brokenheartedly when I wouldn't give him ice cream before bed. "But Momma" he sobbed, "I'm HUNGRY!"

Oy.

Sunday afternoon

What fun! We've got a houseful today--Victoria and 3 of her friends are in the office watching movies for "memorial points" for their world history class, Emily's doing homework at the kitchen table, and Hailey and her best friend are chatting in the family room. Yes, that's 7 teenaged girls here in the house! The boys are playing basketball in the dining room (on their preschool sized hoop) and Jim's watching a movie. Me? Cooking dinner for the crowd. Chili and cinnamon rolls. Yummy! Enough to fill even the hungriest teens. The only thing missing? My big guy. He's not home this weekend. Too bad for him--chili and cinnamon rolls is his favorite meal, and it will be a while before he can have them again. :)

life lessons

"What are two things you've learned in life?"

Interesting question. I had the opportunity to answer it recently, and it was hard narrowing the field to ONLY two. But it got me thinking....what have I learned so far? Here are a few things on my very long list:

*I have been richly blessed with a wonderful family and amazing friends.
*There is great peace in knowing that God has a plan and that He doesn't make mistakes. Even when everything seems hopeless.
*Money isn't everything. And the best things in life really are free--a child's smile, time with a friend, a special drawing from your 4 year old tucked into your overnight bag, sleepy hugs and slobbery kisses, dandelions carefully picked by chubby hands...
*Some days I don't have enough patience to parent my crew.
*Some days the 'to-do list' of life feels horribly overwhelming. "Just do the next thing" is what keeps me moving.
*Because I tend to process things by thinking rather than talking, I can be very slow to respond. As a matter of fact, I typically come up with the 'best' response much later than I need it. That's frustrating!
*I spend too much time on the coulda/woulda/shoulda and the if-only of life and too little time simply enjoying it.
*I NEED time to myself once in a while--time to do what I want to do, have a complete thought without interruption, read a page (or a chapter, or heaven forbid an entire book!) without someone needing my attention. Without that, I tend to get very grumpy. Once a month would be heavenly, once a quarter would be amazing, but I can be content with once a year.
*I'm a terrible candidate to win the lottery. I'd give away most of it, and probably need a bigger house for the additional children I'd adopt! :)
*I need a 12 step recovery group for my addiction to babies. There's a reason I work in the nursery--so I can hold them!! I'd have another baby in a heartbeat if they'd just stay little for me.
*It's never to late to tell someone you appreciate them.
*Fancy vacations are overrated. I'd rather settle in at a cozy cabin at the beach and watch the storms blow through.
*Watching my guys grow up and spread their wings is the hardest, most rewarding thing I've ever done. And I'm SO not ready for this next step. When did my firstborn get so old?
*I hate not being able to fix things for people! Seeing people I care about hurting is hard, and knowing there's very little I can do makes it worse.
*I hate confrontation. And I don't want to let people down.
*Teenagers are great people! Most of them don't deserve the bad rap they get. And I have LOVED having 4 of them living here at the same time!


So, what have YOU learned from life??

:)

Crazy crazy crazy day! Spent the morning doing the mundane--laundry, paperwork, housecleaning--and the not so mundane, like playing with my little guys. They helped me make dinner for some friends with a new baby at home. After a too-brief playdate with another friend and her 3 girls, the boys and I dashed out to deliver dinner, then ran back home to get our dinner started.

Why the rush? Well, in just under one hour I'm OUTTA HERE! One glorious night in a hotel by myself, then a day of power shopping tomorrow to do all the Christmas shopping. As much as I hate shopping, I will do just about anything for a night off. I intend to enjoy every minute of this time!

Catch you later....

harnessing an obsession?

Logan is obsessed these days. His new obsession? These...

...especially when used on this.... (fortunately, only HIS old coloring pages, not anything else!)


to make this! These are the BIG shreds, the ones we can pick up easily. Most of his cutting has to be vacuumed up since it's too small to pick up.



His occupational therapist is thrilled because cutting paper is so good for his fine motor skills. Me? Not so much. Or, more accurately, not at all. Vacuuming the itty bitty shreds of paper off the floor for the third time today, it did occur to me that perhaps there is a redeeming value in his obsession. Maybe I should harness it and make it work for me....

Instead of replacing my paper shredder, I could just get a big box, put Logan in it with all the papers I need shredded, and let him cut to his heart's content! The mess would stay contained, I would get rid of the papers I don't need, and he can practice his fine motor skills. Problem solved!

confessions

I am a huge klutz and have NO athletic ability at all! As a matter of fact, Logan and his gross motor issues fit in fine here, since he appears to take after me. No, I don't fall all the time or walk into walls like he does, but still.... I'm such a klutz that for years Jim called me 'Grace' in reference to my less-than-graceful attempts. It took me a long time to come to terms with this--and I've finally made peace with the fact that while I'm not athletic, I DO have other talents and strengths.

Fortunately, my children have (so far) inherited their father's athletic ability. Herein lies the problem. What exactly will I do with myself this winter? For the first time since 1996, we do NOT have a basketball player in the house. Victoria has opted to quit playing basketball. I am sad, but it's HER sport and HER decision. She does not have to play to make us happy. She played last year and knows what high school ball is all about; she's making an informed decision. That works for me. But I LOVE high school basketball! I love spending time at the gym, watching the kids play, cheering for my own child and their friends. It's the highlight of my year, and my favorite social outlet! :) This year? Well, it's going to be sad. I still know many of the players on both the boys and girls squads but it's just not the same. I'll still go watch, especially since Emily is the captain of the cheer squad. But that's not the same either, and previous experience has taught me that I am SO not a cheer parent!! Thinking about spending time in the gym focusing on the cheerleaders rather than the athletes makes my skin crawl. Even if one of them is my daughter! Ugh.

The cheer moms are such a fascinating group. For them and for the coach, everything is about how you look. How you perform. How perfectly together everything is. I don't mind some of that, but in today's society there's already enough emphasis on how young ladies look. We don't need to spend more time highlighting their outward appearance! Truly, this is where I have such trouble as a cheer mom. I want my girls to be neat and clean, to look pulled together and pretty. But I don't want it to be their sole focus. I want them to be beautiful on the inside. I want their character to shine! I want to see them beautiful because of who they are, not because of how they look. I want my girls to radiate love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness, goodness, and self control! Those are the things that make them beautiful. It's not about the right lip gloss or the right hairstyle or the perfect uniform. But that's where cheer seems to get hung up...

So if you head to the gym to watch basketball this year, I"ll be there. Sitting with the parents of the players, not the parents of the cheerleaders. As much as I love my girl, I won't be gushing every day about how cute she looks. Instead, we'll continue to focus on her inward beauty. The other cheer parents won't be happy that I won't 'come to their party.' But I want so much more for my daughter. Is that so wrong?

sleep study pics

Sorry they're not very good. Lighting was horrible, and it's hard to take pics and help out at the same time!



















And yes, he really truly slept all night wired up like that! It took him about 10 minutes to fall asleep, then we didn't hear a thing from him for just over 8 hours. Amazing child!!