I don’t get it. I just don’t get it. When I get to the end of my rope and can’t stand the thought of doing this another minute, I usually get a little tap on the shoulder, and a voice says in my ear: “He’s not the problem. Look inside.”
Conviction. It bites sometimes. And right now it really sucks. EVERY single time I get frustrated parenting this child, God reminds me that his actions, the ones that make me absolutely nuts, are no different than my own in my relationship with God. That child doesn’t listen well, and can’t remember for 30 seconds to keep his hands to himself? Well…my track record with hearing and obedience sure isn’t stellar. He continues to pester with unanswerable questions? Ask about things he doesn’t need to be concerned with? Tries hard to make your plans fit HIS schedule? Yep…guilty as charged on all counts. Sometimes looking in this mirror hurts.
Last night it hit me. Like a ton of bricks. Parenting this child is a very good reflection of my own immaturity, my own selfishness, my own insecurities and inabilities and disabilities. So he’s not like the others. What of it? Because he’s not ‘typical’ or ‘easy,’ he has opened my eyes to my own failings in ways the others never could. The challenges of training up this young man will hopefully mature me into a better person. (At the moment, I’m not so sure it’s very successful. I’m choosing to take a long-term view here, though, so there’s still hope… :) )
In the meantime, I fuss and fume. I yell and rant. I cry. I tear my hair out. I stomp my feet and tell God exactly what I want Him to do, and when I want Him to do it. Fortunately, He is gracious with me, and I am not without hope.
So today, I will sit back and rest in the words of Ecclesiastes 3:11a:
“He has made everything beautiful in its time…”
and pray that I will have the faith and the patience to KNOW that God never fails, that His word IS truth, and that He is growing and maturing both of us. We WILL get there, someday. Fortunately, His timing is way better than mine, so I’m going to (try and) take a deep breath and chill out!