Thursday, February 24, 2011

a jumbled mess

That’s how my mind has been the last little bit…a jumbled mess.  So much going on that I can’t seem to get a handle on any of it.  Maybe that’s how it is supposed to be.  I don’t know.  If so, I don’t like it!

We did, eventually, revisit our conversation of several weeks ago.  It was long overdue—didn’t happen when I thought it might.  We needed to talk more about adoption, about Logan’s plea.  We had both given it some thought, and at some point I had crossed over from feeling ambivalent about a third adoption to ready to move forward.  A little girl to balance out our dynamic duo?  Sure.  I can do that!  No, it’s not easy, but the good things in life frequently aren’t.  Unfortunately, we’re not on the same page here, and Jim is in an ‘absolutely NOT’ mode.  Honestly—it has been difficult to reconcile his “I’m open to it” of a few weeks ago with the “absolutely not” that I got last week.  My heart hurts.  There are so many children without families.  We have so much here in this country…SO much!  The sacrifices necessary to change the world for a child are so minimal, when you look at it from many perspectives.  But once again, we are on opposite sides of this coin, and slowly I am learning to keep my mouth closed.  I have spent much time praying, with tears running down my face.  I  have no choice but to trust, to let go of this and allow God to do His will in our lives.   But it still hurts…

In the meantime, God has brought another adventure to our lives.  After a few missteps, a delightful young lady will be here 3 days a week while I help her mom homeschool her.  I’ve known this gal since she was a baby; her mom and I have been friends for about 20 years.  It’s been an interesting journey the last year or so for them, and this door was opened last week.  It’s been such a God thing!  Adjusting to having a high schooler around and having to shift gears from Kindergarten/1st grade to high school has me challenged.  It will be such fun!  Coming up with creative ways to cover all the state requirements while keeping her engaged will be interesting.   This adventure has God’s fingerprints all over it, and I am excited to see what He can do with a tender young girl and someone willing to step outside their comfort zone. 

It was a busy fun weekend and I didn’t have the kind of time I wanted to pull things together for Miss M to truly get started.  I’d hoped to spend some time Monday working on it, but first thing Monday morning I got the news that my mom had a heart attack on Sunday night.  We are VERY fortunate: it was caught quickly  and treated immediately.  There appears to be no lasting damage, and she came home from the hospital on Tuesday.  She feels good and sounds great.  She’s even excited about her next adventure—a cardiac rehab/exercise class taught by Nurse Nancy.  The funny thing is that Nancy is the mom of one of Brent’s former basketball teammates, so Mom knows and loves Nancy already. 

Hmmm…maybe it’s not a surprise my mind is such a jumbled mess these day.

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