expectations vs reality

Sometimes I get so focused on what I expect to see that I don’t grasp the reality of what’s happening right in front of me.

I have a child who is a control freak.  About everything.  It’s been an ongoing battle as he tries to wrestle control from us in nearly every area.  Yes, he’s also a strong willed child.  Yes, his need for control is an ‘adoption-related’ issue.  Yes, we understand both his need for control and the need for him to trust us.  Yes, it has been difficult.

But you know what I realized this morning?  I EXPECT him to behave that way, so I don’t necessarily  see what’s really happening.  We had some little friends over today.  They’re almost 4 and almost 2, and it was fascinating to watch Logan around them.  Both children are sweet and well behaved, but Logan was nearly a basketcase as he tried everything in his power to control what was happening.  I kept assuring him that I was paying attention, that I would take care of things.  And then I realized:  he hasn’t acted this way in a VERY long time!  He hasn’t been this vigilant in ages.  It struck me hard—apparently he has decided that we really do know what we’re doing, that we really can take care of him, and he’s relaxed his need to be in control to the point that I only expect it but don’t see it.

Now I’d better rethink all those behaviors of Logan’s that he ‘always does’ and see how many still exist and how many  exist only in my expectations.  I suspect I will be pleasantly surprised.  That’s a good thing.  And a God thing!  :)

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A funny story:  I am taking the boys and our little friend Emily to see Go Dog Go at Seattle Children’s Theater in 2 weeks.  I thought it would be a good idea to get out our copy of the book and re-read it so they were familiar with the story line.  I went to look and discovered that we don’t own it any more!  My big guys burned through 3 copies of the book because they loved it so much, and the little ones have never even heard it!  Yikes!  A true classic of children’s literature and we’ve not ever read it to them.  Bad mommy!!  Fixed that today—Costco had an inexpensive 50th anniversary edition in their children’s book section.  Ryan read a good portion of it to us, and they loved it.  Now they cannot wait to go see the play!  Or maybe it’s the promise of a fancy lunch at a restaurant that has them excited.  Either way is fine with me…