one month already

We've been home one month already. Some days it seems amazing it's been that long already; other days I wonder how many years have passed since we got off the plane. Fortunately, those days are far fewer now. Good days are more the norm, and I LOVE it! We're settling into a good routine, Logan is understanding (and following) the directions we give, and he's beginning to speak English. It's funny-- he's probably been speaking English for a long time, but we're just too dense to understand. Yesterday, he came running up to me and began talking. Excitedly. So I stopped fixing dinner, got down to his level, and listened carefully. Or so I thought. As he was speaking, I was trying to figure out what he might be telling me. When he was done, I was in the dark. (Not unusual. Mom's not that quick these days.) So, I told him to try again, that Momma couldn't understand Chinese, that Momma wanted to know what he was saying, so could he show me. Instead, he gave me this look that very clearly said, "You MORON!", heaved a huge sigh, and started over. Slower, this time, for the obviously dumb lady in the kitchen. Still nothing registered. So (stupid me!) I asked him again to try it once more. Even more slowly and deliberately, he repeated himself. When I didn't immediately respond, he shook his head in total disgust and walked away muttering to himself. What he said, I don't know, but I'm sure he thinks it was in English. Probably was, too, given how difficult he is to understand. Speech therapy will help--Miss Laura has some awesome goals for him and I can't wait to get started. I'm finding that IF I listen carefully and he repeats himself several times, I can sometimes figure it out. Then the light goes on--THAT'S what he's been saying. He is always so excited when we understand--his face lights up like someone turned on a light. We'll get this...eventually. :)

Overall, it's been an amazing, challenging, humbling experience having Logan in our home. I feel like I've been sanded with 40 grit sandpaper on a power sander--everything I "knew" has been put to the test. But, I've survived. As painful as it's been, it's also been a time of growth. Today in the car I was listening to the radio. Mercy Me's "Jesus Bring the Rain" came on, and I thought about how true the words have been the past 6 weeks. The chorus says:

Bring me joy, bring me peace

Bring the chance to be free

Bring me anything that brings You glory

And I know there'll be days

When this life brings me pain

But if that's what it takes to praise you
Jesus bring the rain

It was followed immediately by Casting Crowns, singing "Lifesong." The second verse says:

Lord I give my life

a living sacrifice

To reach a world in need

To be Your hands and feet

May the words I say

And the things I do

Make my lifesong sing

Bring a smile to You

And it struck me. In a nutshell, that's what makes every single day, every irritation, every frustration, every sweet smile, sticky hug, and slobbery kiss worthwhile. God has called me to this, and to do anything less would be dishonoring to him. A dear friend asked last week how things were going. I debated for a bit, then gave a brutally honest reply and said it was the hardest thing I'd ever done. But, because I knew God hadn't called us to this to abandon us, I would keep walking in faith--there is simply no other choice. The response to my honesty blew me away: "... Oh gosh, Jenn, you are a star - you are living the work of God in such a profound, profound way, and you challenge me to do the same." Those words were so encouraging and have carried me through some bad times this week. Because after all, living the work of God is my goal. If doing so and being honest about the struggles challenges someone else, even better.

Pictures tomorrow, I promise! We had a great play date (or "hot date" as Ryan calls it) with our friends Rachel, Linlee, and Jake and their moms. My camera's not available, but the other moms took great pics. The kids had a ball on the playground, and it was fun seeing people do a double-take while we ate lunch: 4 caucasian women eating out with 5 Chinese preschoolers ages 3 and under. I'm not sure what attracted more attention, the fact that we had all these Chinese children, or the fact that 5 preschoolers could be so well-behaved at a restaurant for lunch. It was fun.