One month ago

Dear Logan,

One month ago today, you met your new family. Almost all of us, at one time. It was a lot of new people, and you knew enough to understand that you were leaving your "home" forever--leaving to go live with these people now holding you. As I watched you cry and scream, I have to admit that I did wonder if in fact you would be better off staying where you were, if it was really the right thing to put you through such agony. I knew then that in the end, you would receive much love, care, and help you couldn't get in China and that it was the right thing to do, but it was so hard watching you grieve. Fortunately, your curiousity got the best of you and you decided to give it a go.

The last month has been one of incredible challenge and amazing change. I told a friend today that sometimes we take it day by day; sometimes just minute by minute. Most of the time now, it's day by day. You are getting so much more comfortable! With it, though, have come new challenges. Your strong will, the part that has helped you grow and thrive through difficult times, is now trying Momma's patience. Daily. Your inquisitiveness knows no bounds, and of all the words you understand and have learned to dislike, "NO" tops the list. Telling you that dumping water from the bathroom sink onto the floor is a "NO" is likely to have you searching the tupperware drawer for cups and bowls to dump faster. Telling you that throwing sand on Ryan is a "NO" means that in 23 seconds he'll be completely buried. So much of every day is spent trying to find ways to tell you "YES!" hoping that it will help ease your frustration. That frustration seems to be borne of an inability to communicate. And yet, even communication seems to be more a matter of stubborn pride than ability. You KNOW the words and you know how to use them--we hear them often. You LOVE showing off all the new things you have learned. You LOVE the praise, the hugs, and the high fives that come with each new accomplishment. And so, each day is greeted with hugs and kisses and eager anticipation about the things that might happen, and each evening is met with relief that it's finally bedtime! :)

So what's next for you? HARD challenges! You start speech therapy soon. You'll have a long visit with the craniofacial clinic at the hospital. That alone will be hard--you've learned so far that going to the doctor likely means pokes and blood draws, and it frightens you. Both Momma and Daddy will be with you, and it is our fervent hope that the clinic will be able to solve some problems we know you have--hearing, for one. We hope they have some ideas for helping you chew your food more effectively. We know that the team will work with your doctor, your dentist, and Miss Laura to do the very best they can for you. You need to understand that Momma and Daddy have high hopes for you, and high expectations. You CAN do this! It will be hard, but we know you are highly capable!

You also have a PT evaluation coming up. Hopefully some PT and OT will help get you over the hump in your gross motor skills and some areas in your fine motor skills. It's hard to watch you wanting to do things just like Ryan and know that you understand you can't. We so want you to be right there with him. PT and OT will be hard work too. But we'll be right there with you, cheering you on. You can do it!

I wish I could tell you how much your smile lights my world. How much I love having you snuggle with me. How fun it is to see you give everyone a hug and kiss before you head to bed, just like you've done it every night for your entire life. Even though your inquisitiveness can make me nuts, I know that you will do great things some day! It takes a curiousity about how the world works to make things better, and I can see you making great changes in your world. You love the simple things in life: watching Daddy mow the lawn, playing in the sandpile, watching your sisters play basketball, doing puzzles and coloring in your new color books, and reading, reading, reading.

And so, dear Logan, at the end of this first month, we eagerly look forward to the growth we know we'll see. After all, you are a survivor. And more important, you are a gift from God. His hand is on your life, and no matter what the challenges you face, He will go before you. He has brought you this far, and He will not leave you.

We are so proud of you, and so glad to have you in our lives! You are an amazing, brave little boy, and we love you!

Momma and Daddy
(and Brent, Hailey, Emily, Victoria, and Ryan, too!)