Tuesday, June 14, 2011

decisions, decisions

Life is full of decisions.  Most are boring, everyday decisions that can be made without much effort (what’s for dinner?  laundry before or after the trip to the store?), but there are the bigger ones that can be more difficult.  We’ve just come through a spell of more difficult one (repair or replace?  stand firm or walk away?  hold or sell?  step out or stay the course?  drive or move?) and I’m very grateful that, for a short spell at least, it is behind us.   

I don’t think I realized just how much I was being affected by all the stuff hanging over us.  Once most of the decisions were made, it was like an invisible weight had been lifted, one I hadn’t been conscious of carrying.  When it was gone, though, the relief was evident!  And it made me wonder:  why is it that I cannot do what God asks in Matthew 6:25-34?

Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more than food and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? 

And why do you worry about clothes?  See how the flowers of the field grows.  They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will He not much more cloth you—you of little faith?  So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.  (emphasis mine)

Whew.  Pretty clear, isn’t it?  And the funny thing is that I’m not typically a worrier.  I just don’t—there’s no point.  If I’m not in charge of it, there’s no point in wasting the time and energy.  Someone else is responsible for the decision.  And if it’s my decision?  Well, then, I make it and move on.  But for some reason…maybe the number, or the gravity, or the combination…this time they got the best of me.  I worried.  But it didn’t help.  All it did is make me grumpy.  Now, though, we’re through it.  The decisions are (mostly) made.  Next time, I hope to remember that my job is to pray and to trust.  God’s job is to provide.  It’s really that simple.

**Oh.  Those decision?  Well…let’s see:   Repair or replace?  Repair.  Successfully.  A huge relief. And an answered prayer!  Stand firm or walk away?  Stand firm, for now.  It’s not only about us, but about charting a path for those who come behind, in this case.  And we are seeing God move!  Hold or sell?  Yes.  Hold one item, sell the other.  For now, anyway.  We are praying for God’s timing on the second sale.  It all belongs to Him anyway!  Step out or stay the course?  Stay the course.  This was probably the hardest.  I’d like to step out, but we need to be of one accord in this venture, and we’re not.  So stay the course it is.  My heart aches, but God knows my desires.  I will trust His timing!  And drive or move?  Well…drive, for now.  Moving is likely in our future, but at this point—for at least the next year—we’re staying here.  That works for me.  I love this house.  And if or when it’s time to move?  Well, then, we’ll look to see where God would have us.  And we’ll probably need to revisit most of these decisions.  Won’t that be fun?  :\ 

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