Saturday, September 5, 2009

waxing philosophical

"...and who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"
Esther 4:14b

Those words keep going through my mind as I review Logan's ongoing issues. I've been having a bit of a pity party the last week or two--watching Logan struggle through his OT sessions, seeing him agonize over the pronunciation of words, and listening to him sob "I NEVER get this. It TOO HARD for me. I not smart." My heart breaks for him, and his hurt sends me ever searching for answers, solutions, help...ANYTHING to fix my guy. And as I thought about the words in Esther, I kept asking "Why God? What purpose is this going to serve--for him or for us?"

Friday morning I answered an email from a friend and shared with her some of our struggles with Logan. Her response blew me away! "I tried to call you, but no answer. My 9 year old son S*** was diagnosed with apraxia when he was 4 years old. I will be praying for you and would love to listen if you need to talk and process. We are celebrating him reaching the point of only having 3 sounds to master!" Talk about amazing!! I love this gal and can't wait to talk to her. Her son is darling, and I would have never guessed that they had walked the exact road we're on now. As I thanked God for his provision of someone who understood, the words in Esther came to mind. All the grumbling I've done about "Why us? Why Logan?" now has a much clearer answer: for such a time as this. I knew my friend had been down the path of multiple therapies for her son, but I didn't know what or how long. I can imagine she's had days like we have had, and I am so grateful for her! Someday, somehow...God will use our experience with Logan to encourage someone else on this path. And so we press on, trusting that God can use EVERYTHING to make a difference in the world.

Today I'm standing in the kitchen prepping peaches for canning. Brent's in Boise, Hailey's visiting her best friend at college, Emily and Tori are spending the night with friends, and Jim took Ryan and Logan on a flying adventure with a co-worker. Peeling peaches is not necessarily my favorite job, yet this morning I've had time to think and reflect. I've spent some time thinking about a comment I overheard some time ago: "There's no such thing as quiet faith. In order to be effective, faith has to be vibrant, visible, and loud." That hurt when I heard it, because I'm an introvert. I prefer small groups of people. I'm not loud. I prefer being behind the scenes. And that comment felt like a slap in the face, dissing who I am. Even though it wasn't directed AT me, it still stung. And I've spent time on and off thinking about it. Today, slicing peaches, something occurred to me. There IS a place for those of us who are quiet. For those of us who don't "live out loud." I want my faith to be visible, but I don't need to change who I am in order for God to use me. I'm not confrontational. I'm not "in-your-face" But this morning, God confirmed again that my quiet faith is important, that is does make a difference. A gal shared with me that I had made quite an impression on her with my steadfastness, my dependability, my attitude of "just do the next thing." I'll probably never be the life of the party. Quite frankly, I'm not sure I want to be! But there is a place for those of us who are more quiet. It's taken me a long time to get here, but I now recognize that quiet faith is sometimes louder than the vibrant, visible, loud kind. After all, didn't the commercial say "If you want to get someone's attention...whisper." Apparently my whisper is making a difference for someone. :)

Enough philosophy! I'm off, back to the kitchen. Gonna crank up the CDs, turn on the canner, and finish my peaches.

1 comment:

  1. Jennifer, you can always email or call me for support. I understand. I deal with those same issues/questions (and more) everyday.