wise words…

…from a very wise mom of many.  I hope to be as wise when I grow up!

She writes about what it might be like to be adopted as a slightly older child.   I have often wondered if some of these same thoughts have gone through Logan’s head—he was 3 1/2 when he was taken away from the familiar in his world.  You can read it here.

And this one.  This one hits hard.  Hits me where I live.  Are we doing enough?  After all, it’s only money…and God has more than enough!

Signed, the mom who is feeling a touch(!) overwhelmed with one of her own these days, and certainly has no business thinking another one is even remotely a good idea…  It’s just that the statistics I see (34% of Christians consider adopting.  Only about 1% of them actually do) and the things I know (roughly 210 million orphans worldwide; approximately 35,000 children die every day from hunger, malnutrition, and lack of someone to care for them) make my heart ache to do more.

too funny not to post

 

 

No DNA test required

 

No DNA required

I came across the first picture on the web today, and the caption underneath is how it is titled.  The second picture?  From our trip to China in May 2008.  Clearly, DNA doesn’t matter. 

real life

Once every few months, I host a ‘ladies night’ at the house.  (Jim very graciously deals with the little boys and watch action movies in the office.)   We start about 8 and go ‘til the last gal goes home—often 1 or 2 in the morning.  There’s no plan and no agenda, except to enjoy one another’s company.  Sometimes there are only 2 or 3 gals who show up; sometimes is 15 or 20.  Both are fun, in their own way. 

Tonight is ladies night.  My boys are helping out (to earn TV time tokens!)—Ryan’s vacuuming the carpets and Logan’s doing the hard floors.  The dishwasher is running, and the clothes are in the dryer.  Will everything be perfect tonight when the gals come over?  NO!  As I walked through the living room, I was struck by how much the ‘age’ is showing in our carpet.  It is, after all, more than 20 years old.  20 years, 6 children, and countless friends old.  It shows.  But something else occurred to me as I looked at the aged carpet:  my house is lived in.  Real people LIVE here.  Play here.  Get messy here.  Do life here.  Some of it can’t be vacuumed up.  And it’s okay.  (Good thing, too, since my kitchen is partially torn up as part of an unplanned plumbing project!    )

Do the gals who come to ladies night come to see a perfect home?  Nope.  They come because it’s fun.  Because it’s casual and comfortable and safe.  They know I’ll say “The glasses are in the cupboard next to the window.  Make yourself at home.”  They know it’s about people not things.  They come because we laugh and share and talk.  It’s a chance to catch up with old friends and welcome new ones into your world.  Would new carpets and a spotless home make the evening better?  Our lives better?  No.  So why waste the time to fret about it?

After lunch, I’ll do some dusting.  I’ll make sure that the boys get their toys put away, and that all the seating is uncluttered.  (I can pretty much guarantee there’ll still be fingerprints on the fridge.)  After that?  I’ll relax and enjoy and an evening with friends, both new and old.  Isn’t that what ladies night is all about??

grateful

My parents will celebrate their 50th anniversary in December.  There’s a party in August for them, since no one really needs anything ELSE to do in December but everybody loves a day in the sunshine celebrating with friends and loved ones.  Aren’t they cute?   (This was taken in Feb 2010, while they were on a cruise through the Panama Canal.)

I’ve been doing some reading recently.  Books about feeding children, of all things.  One came highly recommended by a friend, the other piqued my interest as it deals with being a detective about hidden food allergies.  The first book, French Kids Eat Everything (by Karen LeBillon), was a fascinating read.  The author and her family spent a year living abroad in her husband’s hometown in France, and she chronicles their ‘adventures’ in French dining habits and picky North American children (and adults!)   It  was hard for me to wrap my mind around some of the issues presented in the book, as growing up we simply weren’t allowed to be picky.  You ate what was put in front of you, or you went hungry.  Clearly, my sisters and I did not starve to death.    As a result, my children have been raised the same way.  Sure, there are foods they don’t like.  They’re human!  But for the most part our crew eats whatever I cook, and they do so graciously, neatly, and gratefully.  I realized, as I read this book, just how incredibly grateful I am to my parents for modeling this for me.  But my dad was born in the late 1930s.  He was the youngest of 5, and his father passed away 2 months after he was born.  My grandmother was a single mother for many years.  When she remarried, they moved to a dairy farm.  Dad knew better than to complain about food—being grateful for enough food on the table was the order of the day.  Going hungry was always a choice, should you not want to eat what was offered.  My mom was much more of a ‘princess’ in her upbringing, but I get the very distinct impression that she, too, was expected to eat what was fixed.  Jim grew up on a farm, the oldest of 5 children.  Money was often tight in his childhood, and you either ate what was served or went hungry.  So our guys didn’t stand much of a chance.  Our pickiest eater is also the child who spent time in the Marine Corps, and I promise:  now, he eats whatever is served.  With gratitude.  Because all 6 of them have this attitude, it is typically a genuine pleasure to cook for them, and I take great delight in serving individual favorites for birthdays and when the big guys come home to visit.  Brent’s coming?  Get some steak.  And some salmon!  Emily will be home?  Let’s make sure we make some lasagna!  Tori?  How about some mixed seafood or a pasta salad?  It’s good.

The other book I’ve been reading has truly captured me.  Called What’s Eating Your Child?  (by Kelly Dorfman), it’s been riveting to see th presentations of food allergies and sensitivities.  Not just physicall reactions, mind you, but emotional and behavioral.  I see some in each of the little boys.  With no idea about their prenatal or early nutrition and with the ongoing struggles in sleep, behavior, developmental delays, and other things, I often feel like a detective without many clues.  The book is set up to help recognize the clues and make dietary changes to reduce or eliminate problems.  We found that limiting/ eliminating wheat has had great effect for many of us.  Now, we’re refining that some.  I’m not finding lots of information for Ryan, but I also don’t see as many issues in him now that he’s mostly wheat free.  Logan?  Oh man.  I checked this book out from the library, but I promise a copy is coming my direction soon—I have lots of notes I want to write, things I want to pursue as we move forward, and really WANT this book on my shelf as a resource.

So, what does all that have to do with my parents?  Well, reading both books made me grateful for the modeling they did during my childhood.   It’s more than just food habits, though.  They modeled love and responsibility.  They modeled gratitude and humility.  They had high expectations, and they followed through.  They weren’t perfect, but they did a great job of balancing love and control in our home.  They are our biggest cheerleaders—all of us:  my 2 sisters and me, our husbands, and all10 of our children.  Plus, after nearly 50 years, they’re still together, loving one another.  So Mom and Dad, thank you.  You are amazing, and I am honored to be your daughter.

Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained in the way of righteousness.  ~Proverbs 16:31

revelation

We’re now 2 months post wheat free trial and still mostly wheat free.   The changes for Ryan are hard to ignore, and he is enjoying being ‘itch and ache free.’  The difference for him is significant enough that HE recognizes when he’s eaten wheat, so it’s easier for him to stick with it.  Of course, there are occasions that we can’t (or don’t) choose to be wheat free, and we’re seeing clearly that it’s hard.

Surprisingly, we saw something amazing with Logan this last weekend.  Because of the way our weekend went, we didn’t do any wheat free all weekend (and some of last week either!).  Logan had two full blown meltdowns over the weekend, and both Jim and I realized that we haven’t had any since early March.  The ONLY difference?  His wheat consumption.  Fortunately, it’s fairly simple to rectify, and I rather expect that our more mild mannered young man will be back with us soon as we are being much more strict about food consumption.  It’s much easier to do now, since I NEVER need to see another meltdown like those we had this weekend.  :\

Lots going on here…more soon, I promise.  With the girls here, things are a bit chaotic trying to keep track of all the schedules, finish up school for the boys, and manage the clutter that comes when college kids move home for the summer.  Emily heads back to Pullman in the next 10 days or so for summer school, and Tori heads back at the end of July, so (sadly) the chaos and clutter is short-lived.

What about this wheat free thing you’re doing??

I’ve been asked lots of questions  and decided it would be easier to address them here for everyone than continue to type emails.  So…here you go.

Who is participating?

Ryan and Logan and me, for sure.  Jim, for the most part, since he eats what I fix.    Hailey eats some meals at home, but because she needs a sandwich lunch every day for clinicals, there’s bread in the cupboard for her lunch.  Her chips have wheat, and she’s free to eat cookies or whatever else she wants.  I’ve asked both she and Jim to be courteous of the boys and to be accommodating for the month.  They’ve been great, and our weekend in Spokane doing the hotel-and-dining-out thing wasn’t a big deal, in large part because they were willing to go along.  

Why 31 days?

Easy.  It is a full calendar month.  For the boys, who have dreaded this experiment, it was clear to see, with a predictable start and finish.  We’ve used these 31 days to work on the practical application of Phil 2:14 (Do all things without grumbling or complaining.).  They’ve been amazing!  As a bonus, they have earned $1 each week they go without complaints.  (They don’t get allowances, so I pay them for work above and beyond their expected chores.  This was a huge challenge, and some incentive to keep positive attitudes—their work for the month—was appropriate.)

What made you decide to go wheat free?

Ryan has, for years, dealt with significant eczema.  The ‘solution’ always has been to treat him with topical steroids.  When I took him in for his 8 year check up, the pediatrician (whom I ADORE!) looked him over and recommended that we start using a much stronger steroid cream since Ry’s eczema was continuing to look bad.  The only drawback was that his preferred prescription comes in an ointment (petroleum based product), not a cream.  I don’t know about you, but I’m not wild about slathering my child with a petroleum based anything on his largest organ (the skin) with the most direct route to bloodstream absorption!  Plus, the underlying problem with the ointment is that it treats the SYMPTOM, not the problem.  In addition, Ryan is dinky tiny.  His growth rate has been incredibly slow for years, and he sits at the very bottom of the growth charts.  He eats like a football player, and although it’s never been pursued, we have discussed the possibility of food allergies or metabolic disorders with his ped. in the past.  Changes to his diet seemed like the most reasonable option at this point, especially knowing that eczema is often present when allergies are possible.  Not knowing Ry’s medical history and background, we were working with big question marks.

So why wheat?  Why  not eggs?  Or dairy?

Simple.  Ryan can’t stand eggs and doesn’t eat them, so they weren’t a likely culprit.  The boys are Asian and as such more likely to be lactose intolerant, so we already monitor dairy consumption.  (Neither of them seems to have trouble, fortunately.)  As we looked at Ryan’s diet, it seemed more and more likely to be wheat.  One sign of potential food issues is cravings.  Ryan LIVED on wheat based products.  His idea of a great day food wise would be bagels for breakfast, macaroni (and cheese, if he had to have it) for lunch, and spaghetti, french bread, and caesar salad with croutons for dinner.  He CRAVED the wheat products.  That made me very suspicious, so I started doing more in-depth research.  I didn’t like what I learned.

What did you learn?

I read extensively and asked questions of several knowledgeable, trustworthy people in my world.  All of them pointed me the same direction:  researching the pitfalls of modern wheat.  The more I read, the more I realized that I, too, likely deal with wheat sensitivities.  Migraines.  Skin rash (mine is most likely a type of eczema).  Arthritis-like pain in my thumbs.  Thyroid issues.  Food cravings and weight gain, with ‘normal’ levels of consumption.  A family history of diabetes—type 1 and type 2.  Difficulty sleeping.  Low-grade seasonal depression.  ALL of those can be attributed to wheat consumption.   Armed with the knowledge, we made a decision:  try 30 days of wheat free eating.  Everything with wheat, not just the obvious choices of bread/bagels/pasta.  Everything.

What did we have to lose?

Well, besides 30 days?  Not much.  Except tons of food, I guess.  Cleaning out the pantry and the fridge was an eye opening experience.  I got the boys involved—they each earned $1 for reading labels and sorting items.   In addition to pulling out the cereal and crackers and pasta, we had to pull out almost all salad dressings.  Ketchup.  BBQ sauce.  Any soy based sauce.  Many sodas.  Chips.  Pretzels.  Prepared soups.  Anything with ‘natural flavoring’ or ‘caramel coloring’ on the label, since the assumption has to be that it is from wheat unless specifically marked otherwise.  We were all surprised at the number of things wheat is part of, and we currently have a 25 gallon rubbermaid container filled with the off-limits food.

So…what have you learned?

Lots!  Ryan and I are clearly gluten sensitive.  We learned that in spades early this week when I made pizza for dinner.  I used spelt flour, which is wheat free but not gluten free.  I got up the next day feeling miserable, with a headache that Aleve didn’t touch.  Ryan got up scratching himself fiercely, and one place on his neck was back to bloody.  He’d been itch free for over 2 weeks, and his skin was definitely clearing!  For me, it was a second ‘test’ that I had failed.  We will do some challenge testing on Ryan pretty soon, but I suspect he will have trouble as I have.

Moving forward…?

For me, it’s pretty straightforward.  I’ll avoid wheat and gluten as much as possible.  I don’t need to ever have another migraine, and if no wheat means no migraines, I’m all for it.  Plus, I like sleeping well and feeling great!  It’s really a no-brainer for me.  I’ve also cut back tremendously on other grains (rice, corn, oats, etc) and am totally okay with that.  For the most part I don’t miss it at all, and on the occasional moment I’d like something like that to eat, I remind myself that I’ll feel better without, and that usually takes care of it.  I don’t feel even slightly deprived (chocolate dipped coconut macaroons, anyone??) so I can see eating this way for a  long time.  Ryan’s going to be a harder sell.  He likes the gluten free pasta we’ve found, but he misses his breakfast bagel something fierce.  Today’s project is to make some gluten free bagels for his dining pleasure.    We’ve found child-acceptable substitutes for many of his favorites already, including pancakes, waffles, and oven pancakes (Dutch babies).  Long term, I know he’ll miss cinnamon rolls and monkey bread, but perhaps by the time fall comes and I bake those again I will have found a recipe or 2 that will work well.  I think, though, that overall he’s going to be willing to stay mostly to totally wheat free because we’re seeing several significant changes for him.  Clearing eczema. No headaches or leg cramps. No stuffy nose.  And the biggie:  growth!  He’s gained nearly 2 pounds and grown just over 1/2” since March 1.  This is a child whose growth has been so slow for the last 7 years we’ve discussed medical tests.  We’re taking the growth as a huge affirmation of this decision.

I hope this helps!  Let me know if I missed anything.  I’m happy to answer whatever questions I can! 

wheat free—halfway through the challenge

18 days since we started our wheat free March.  It’s been fascinating to see the changes.  Ryan no longer scratches to the point of bleeding at night.  He’s falling asleep in 15-20 minutes instead of his normal 60-75 (generally the same bedtime but sometimes earlier!).  He’s down to a very minimal amount of melatonin before bed (recommended by his pediatrician, but now only taking 1/10th the recommended amount) that we’re cutting back more, since it’s mostly a ‘crutch’ instead of a necessity at this point.  He sleeps well and wakes rested.  He’s not dealing with headaches.  Or leg cramps.  Or stomach aches.  Or a continually plugged nose.  He’s been very vigilant about what he eats, and hasn’t grumbled at all.  So far, he’s earned $2 or the $5 promised for completing the month without grumbling.  (Phil 2:14 is the verse we’ve been putting into practice this month).  From his standpoint, going wheat free has been a huge success.

Logan hasn’t been as obvious, but he didn’t have the significant question marks, either.  We are seeing some improvement in his ability to focus and recall.  He still struggles tremendously with academic issues (who wouldn’t, given his laundry list of issues?) but the changes have been helpful.  Always a great sleeper, we’re seeing him fall asleep faster and wake up much less groggy.  For Logan, going wheat free has been a tolerable experience.    He’s also earned $2 of his promised $5 for not grumbling this month about food. 

Jim hasn’t seen much change, but he’s also eating more wheat than the rest of us, by his choice.  (Maybe I should have promised him $5 too?!?) Not a big deal as far as I’m concerned.  The thing is…he’s likely stuck with the wheat free thing for a long time.  I’ve seen great changes for me:  I sleep SO much better.  I FEEL better.  My headaches are almost completely gone (unless I inadvertently eat some wheat!).  My achy thumbs don’t bother me.  My hip (an ongoing problem since I was about 10) hasn’t bugged me.  I have more energy and less ‘down’ days.  The rainy grey weather hasn’t bugged me at all, and that’s saying something around here! 

So…it looks like wheat-free is going to be much more permanent.  Next steps?  Cut out sugar and most other grains.  But since I love my family, we’ll take it slow.

making progress

It’s not fluent and it’s far from perfect, but we’re thrilled!  (We were told he would be 10 before he could read.)  This pretty much speaks for itself…

Sorry it’s a bit wobbly—it’s hard to hold the camera and do the teaching too!  (Note—there are some sounds Logan simply cannot make due to his hearing loss and apraxia.  “x” is one of them, and he struggles mightily with words like ‘six,’ hence the significant help with that sentence.)

the things we do for love

like walking in the rain and the snow…

Wait.  That’s not where I intended to go!  Flashback to music from my growing up years.  All that does is prove I’m old.  <sigh>

 

So…the things we do for love.  How about things like a 30 day elimination diet?  For everyone in the house?  Simply because it needs to be tried for one or 2 people?  Yep.  One of those things we do for love.    Fortunately, it won’t hurt those who don’t need to be on it, so we move forward.  Friday will be 8 days without wheat or wheat products at home, and surprisingly it’s going well.  The boys have been quite agreeable, even double checking to make sure they’re ‘not cheating.’  The best part is that we’re seeing some clearing of eczema already.  Definitely seeing less headaches.  And the child in question is undeniably sleeping better.  And feeling better!   I’m doing ‘experimental baking’ on Wednesdays (when we’re home all day) so that we can figure this wheat-less thing out.  I’m working hard to NOT trade one starchy food for another, so we’re not using the typical wheat free or gluten free all purpose flours that are available.  Makes things slightly more challenging, but it also makes things much healthier!  This week I baked wheat free, high fiber, low(er) carb chocolate zucchini bread, and it was a huge hit.  I took a recipe I have at home and modified it slightly.  Nearly perfect!  I am glad chemistry has always been a favorite subject, since understanding chemistry in the kitchen makes the experimentation a touch easier.

But for this face (hard at work on his math)

and this one (being a goof at speech therapy)

going wheat free is something we’ll gladly try (and stay with!) if it makes a difference.  How on earth could we say no?? 

time crunch!

I’m still here.  There’s a lot on my plate these days, and it seems that I never have enough time to take what’s in my head and get it down here.  We’ve been doing some teaching at church—I taught at Moms N Tots on time management (SUCH fun!!), and Jim and I have been involved in some teaching on Sunday mornings.  We’re involved in a ministry called Young Families, aimed at families with children under 6th grade.  Since we’ve already been there and done that once, we’re sort of the ‘old people mentor types’ in the class.  Young Families has been looking at kids with challenges and life with them.  We shared our experiences on navigating education with a child whose list of challenges/differences reads like a who’s who in the disability world.    BUT…it has helped us refine our thoughts, redefine the WHY of our decisions, and clarify  where we go from here.  God keeps teaching us, and hopefully we keep learning!  Some days I’m WAY too slow to get where He’s leading, but I can see pieces of the bigger picture…more than I could even just 4 months ago.  It’s encouraging.  And when I have (a little more) time, I’ll give the run-down.  In the meantime…

…here’s where some of my time has gone.  My Life in God’s Garden—Musings of a Mom of Many.   Diane is an amazing writer, and her family has been walking an incredible journey.  He faith is SO evident in her blog, and she shares so transparently.  Not just the good stuff…the hard stuff too.  The “I can’t do this any more, except for God” kind of days.  My heart echoes her cry in this post, but she’s so much more eloquent than I.   I have had the briefest glimpse of how she feels here as we have worked to come to terms with Logan’s challenges.    I check her blog almost daily and pray for her family often, even though we’ve never met.  Diane inspires me! 

With that, I need to get moving today.  Since we’ve been in Everett for speech, there’s still lots to accomplish before dinner.