it’s not about him

I don’t get it.  I just don’t get it.  When I get to the end of my rope and can’t stand the thought of doing this another minute, I usually get a little tap on the shoulder, and a voice says in my ear:  “He’s not the problem.  Look inside.”

Conviction.  It bites sometimes.  And right now it really sucks.  EVERY single time I get frustrated parenting this child, God reminds me that his actions, the ones that make me absolutely nuts, are no different than my own in my relationship with God.  That child doesn’t listen well, and can’t remember for 30 seconds to keep his hands to himself?  Well…my track record with hearing and obedience sure isn’t stellar.   He continues to pester with unanswerable questions?  Ask about things he doesn’t need to be concerned with?  Tries hard to make your plans fit HIS schedule?  Yep…guilty as charged on all counts.  Sometimes looking in this mirror hurts.

Last night it hit me.  Like a ton of bricks.  Parenting this child is a very good reflection of my own immaturity, my own selfishness, my own insecurities and inabilities and disabilities.  So he’s not like the others.  What of it?  Because he’s not ‘typical’ or ‘easy,’ he has opened my eyes to my own failings in ways the others never could.  The challenges of training up this young man will hopefully mature me into a better person.  (At the moment, I’m not so sure it’s very successful.  I’m choosing to take a long-term view here, though, so there’s still hope… :)  )

In the meantime, I fuss and fume.  I yell and rant.  I cry.  I tear my hair out.  I stomp my feet and tell God exactly what I want Him to do, and when I want Him to do it.  Fortunately, He is gracious with me, and I am not without hope. 

So today, I will sit back and rest in the words of Ecclesiastes 3:11a:

“He has made everything beautiful in its time…”

and pray that I will have the faith and the patience to KNOW that God never fails, that His word IS truth, and that He is growing and maturing both of us.  We WILL get there, someday.  Fortunately, His timing is way better than mine, so I’m going to (try and) take a deep breath and chill out! 

camping, Pacific NW style

In June, that frequently means rain.  Sure did this weekend!  It was COLD and drizzly much of the weekend, so we saw more of the inside of the car and the trailer than we had hoped.  But we did get to the beach, and we did get to have a campfire every night. 

I made a decision before we left:  when camping with an all-male crowd, take along something to make the campsite pretty.  My roses are in bloom, so these went along:

and certainly prettied up the picnic table.  They were out Friday afternoon, but spent the rest of the weekend in the trailer due to the rain.  Sadly, the rain brought an uninvited visitor…

and he brought several friends.  (I didn’t take pictures of all of them.  Too depressing!)

The beach was quite the attraction Friday afternoon, and the boys (all 3!) had a great time throwing rocks.

(Mr. Scrawny Legs needed a haircut big time!)

Their styles and body types are a bit different.  :)

They LOVED sitting around the campfire at night, and have now discovered the joy of s’mores.

Today on the way home, they got to learn more about the ‘guy things’ that go into trailer camping.  Things like emptying the grey and black water tanks.  They thought it was great fun to help out.   (Yahoo!  Means I don’t have to.)

Overall, it was a very successful test run for the new Suburban.  In spite of the rain, we had fun.  I must say, though, that I was very happy to see the inside of the house today, with a nice warm shower available.  :)  Sure felt good!  The boys had a ball and cannot wait until next week, when they get to do this again! 

Pullman…June 2012

Again.  It was pretty.  Most of the time.  The first day was awful:  cold, rainy, windy, and just flat out nasty.  But the next day was better and the 3rd day (the day we had to leave) was stellar!  I found a park and did some hiking. I did realize at some point that hiking a 3 mile trail alone, when I haven’t told anyone where I’m going, and it’s in the middle of NOWHERE with only 3 cars in the parking lot is probably not my most brilliant idea ever.  But all’s well that ends well.  :)

The view from the vista at the park was incredible.  Gorgeous.  I would be totally content to stay for hours enjoying God’s creation.

The trail going back down went through the woods.  It was a LOT steeper (glad I didn’t go that direction to the top!) and very pretty…

…and had something that made me stop and catch my breath.  Ever heard of the ‘giant palouse earthworm’?  I had, but I never expected to see anything like it. 

I have no idea what one really looks like, but this is the biggest earthworm I have ever seen.  (Note the grand fir cones in the picture—they’re about 3” long)  Literally…the thing was HUGE.  It wasn’t a snake (trust me—I got a stick and checked!)  I stood there in a near panic, trying to decide what to do.  I did have enough smarts to take a picture, but then you all would have laughed to see me trying to gather the courage to step past it.  It’s just an EARTHWORM!!  The kind of thing I used to dig and collect as a child.  Sheesh.  What a girl!  The thing that pushed me into going on?  Knowing that I would have to trek back UP the path through the forest!  Stepping over the worm was easier.  (But I think it was probably 100 yards or more before my heart quit pounding.)

Okay…you all can quit laughing now.  :)  On to more serious news:

Remember these buildings?

And my desire to do a 4 season spread??  I already have 3 seasons (spring/summer/fall).  I drove past them last weekend.  Guess what???  There won’t be a winter picture!!  The buildings are still there, but they’ve been covered with corrugated aluminum siding.  :\  It just wouldn’t fit right, and I am sad. 

A few of us are headed north this weekend for some ‘first of the season’ camping!  Look for more pictures (and funny stories, I suspect, since the short entertainment is going along) sometime next week. 

the promised pictures

at 6 weeks…

and the first day of Kindergarten (almost 5)…

a high school freshman (with her friend Markie)…

and the last day of high school…

You are one special girl, and it’s been quite a journey!  Can’t wait to see how the next part turns out.  Love you!!

time flies

Where does the time go?  It seems like only yesterday that she was a baby...a kindergartner....a high school freshman.  And now, she's away at her freshman college orientation! 

This morning Tori and I headed out to Pullman for the weekend.  She's doing the orientation, and I'm taking a little 'time off.'  Sort of.  I brought along next year's curriculum for the boys, the teaching notes, and my planner.  The goal?  To get next year (mostly) planned.   I also brought my camera so I could take more pictures, but the weather is NOT cooperating over here.  It's been cold (like 44!) and rainy here today, with quite a breeze.  Not exactly great weather for exploring.  So I'm camped out in my hotel room.  Nice and peaceful, right?  Well...it would be, but there are 2 high school baseball teams here for a tournament.  So the hotel is loud, and my room is near the pool so it smells like chlorine and the noise of the boys having fun in the pool gets old after a bit.  Maybe they play early tomorrow morning, as things are starting to settle down a bit.  :)

So I'm sitting here in my hotel room feeling a touch bereft.  My baby girl is all grown up.  I am NOT ready for this.  Yes, I still have the little guys at home, and I am truly grateful for them.  But it's the end of an era.  It's bittersweet.  And honestly...I'm struggling with some of this.  What now?  What comes next? Where, exactly, do we go from here?  Am I REALLY up for the challenge of a student with significant learning issues?  Do I have a choice?  (Nope.)  Am I ready to see all 4 of my big guys on their own?  Yes.  And no.  But time marches on...

I wish I had pictures for this.  I have some incredible ones of my girl I'd love to put in here, but since I am not at home and not using the computer with the photos on it, I can't put them in.  She was an adorable baby...a darling kindergartner...a pretty freshman...and a beautiful graduate.  When I get home, I'll post those pics.

In the meantime...excuse me.  I need another tissue.  :\

 

family!

Getting 8 people to look the same direction at the same time and all smile nicely for the camera is no mean feat.  We had fun, though, and got some good pics in the process.  :)  Special thanks to Rachaelshay Photos, who took these for us