a vicious cycle

I'm not sure where the cycle starts, but this one began Thanksgiving weekend. Maybe Ryan's missing Brent. I don't know. Whatever it is, I'm getting quite tired. Yes, Ryan's back to not sleeping much, and definitely not sleeping alone. Most nights I'm in his room by midnight these days, and I think he's only slept all the way through one time since we got home November 29. When Ryan doesn't sleep well, it means that I'm often up for hours between midnight and about 4am. A day or two of that and I can't manage to get up at 5 to go running--I'm just too tired. After a day or two of missing the time to myself, I start to get short with the preschoolers. Ryan gets upset, he stops sleeping well, I am up more in the night with him, and well....you get the picture.

So this is where we are right now. Add to it the cold weather and I haven't been out at 5 for several weeks. Now, I don't love getting up that early and putting on my sweats and shoes, but I do love the time to myself--time to clear my head, to think, to plan my day, to pray. I try and snag time here and there but the reality is that during the day a 5 minute stretch to myself is a huge luxury. I miss my hour!

Tomorrow I'm going to try again. This morning, Ryan was sobbing at 4:53, crying "Don't leave me Mommy!" Hard to get up and leave him like that, especially since he 1) won't stop crying and 2) will wake the whole house. So I lay back down, snuggled him up, and dozed for a bit. He was soundly asleep when I got up at 5:45, but by then it's too late to go out--breakfast and lunches to make and people to get out the door, starting at 6:15 or so.

Tomorrow's a new day. I'm hanging on to that, and the knowledge that Hailey will be home tomorrow from UW. That also helps--another big person in the house can make a huge difference! At least I can run errands without them...or go for my run in the daytime!

Here's to good sleeps and quiet mornings...

...that are slightly warmer than this! :)