Tuesday, January 25, 2011

so it goes


conviction + deep thinking + disappointment + discouragement = a very uncomfortable place. Something akin to wearing a hair shirt, perhaps.

Needless to say, I’m not enjoying my own company at the moment. Neither are my children. I’d say that a week on a nice sunny beach would help, but somehow those things would manage to come along, I’m sure.

Some days a winning lottery ticket seems like just the answer. If I had the winning lottery ticket, I could set aside the ‘old and tired’ reasons for not adopting and bring home a little girl. I’d be all over that…even knowing that she would be a special needs child, and that it would mean more trips to Children’s, more therapy, more stress, and more work. If I had a winning lottery ticket, I would order an FM system for Logan on the spot! He’d be able to hear better, and we’d make more progress (without me tearing my hair out!) in his schoolwork. He can clearly learn, but he needs to hear well to do so effectively. This would make all the difference in the world to him!

Somehow, though, I doubt that a winning lottery ticket is in my future. Especially since I don’t play! :) But, even in my blue funk, I am confident that my God, who is faithful, will provide the answers we seek. So even as I squirm under the conviction and struggle with the discouragement and disappointment, I will “lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:1

After all…

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

1 comment:

  1. I need a winning lottery ticket too (for more selfish reasons). Two kids + two dogs = we need a minivan.

    I know you will find peace with whatever path lies ahead for you, Jennifer.