the football fanatic

Ryan’s pretty tiny for almost 7.  Fully dressed (and just fed!) he weighs in at a whopping 42 pounds…but the kid’s pretty mighty in ability.  He loves football.  I mean…he LOVES football.  He lives for the weekend, when he can watch game after game on Saturday AND Sunday.  But he doesn’t just watch—he knows the teams and remembers what happens, too.  Last night we were watching the UO/Stanford game (numbers 7 and 4 respectively in the college polls) and someone asked who was ranked #1.  He promptly—and correctly—listed the top 5 teams in the current BCS rankings. 

While he watches football, he runs ‘plays’ in the living room.  Jim passes the football and Ryan practices his running catch.  He’s pretty good and only misses about 15% of the passes.  He’s clearly mastered the fine art of' ‘bobble/catch/fall/slide’ in our fairly limited space.  He would play like this all day if someone would pass to him.  And outside?  Absolutely!  He LOVES to play football with anyone who will throw for him.  But the thing that blew my mind today?  Listening to him.

He was watching the New Orleans/Atlanta game.  It was close to the end, and someone had just scored.  (I clearly wasn’t paying attention.  Actually, I had been  napping—HORRIBLE night here last night—and was only semi-awake.)  The game was nearly over, and I hear Ryan say “What are they doing?  If they want to win this game they need to do an onside kick!”   He no more than got the words out of his mouth than the broadcasters started a debate about what the team should do next.  Their conclusion?  An onside kick was the team’s best chance of winning.  Huh?  How on earth does my 6 year old know this?? 

So my tiny guy has football dreams.   Big ones.  He wants to play professional ball, then be a coach.  Pretty ambitious for a child in the 10th percentile for height and weight.  Maybe Mom can offer a bit of encouragement, though.  I was fortunate to go to high school with a football player who wasn’t the biggest guy on the team.  He was pretty good, too—spent 8 years playing professional ball.  :)  Someday, I might just have to introduce him to Ryan.  Maybe he’ll have some good tips for my dinky little dreamer.

The simple things are free

How I love the simple things…the simple things just are.  (Jim Brickman, Simple Things)

Life is complicated.  Sometimes it just is complicated; sometimes we make it that way ourselves.  Regardless, I am convinced that we don’t take enough time to sit back and really truly enjoy the simple things in life.    I got to spend a weekend doing just that…enjoying the simple things.  What did it look like?

• Reading books to my heart’s content.  Not just any books, but books for FUN.  No books about learning issues.  No books about teaching children with to read.  No books about hearing loss or apraxia or sensory integration issues or economics or worldviews or anatomy and physiology.  Just plain old fiction books, chosen solely for entertainment and enjoyment.    Ahhhhh…a simple pleasure.
• Long walks in crisp sunny fall weather.  The trees were beautiful.  The sun was shining.  The sky was blue.  The mountains were visible.  God’s creation is breathtaking!  Enjoying walks in the sun was another simple pleasure of the weekend.
• Bubble bath (without interruptions!).  Never EVER underestimate the simple pleasure of a hot tub filled with bubbles.  ‘Nough said.
• Being able to sleep (or lounge in bed!) until you feel ready to get up and face the day.  Even if it’s a day filled with things you like.  Sometimes the lack of impending projects and deadlines  is refreshing.  I loved spending a weekend on my own time schedule…no commitments, no obligations.
• Wandering the fabric store or the book store solely for the enjoyment of it.  Looking at fabrics and picking out just the right ones for a project taking shape in my mind.  Alone.  :)  So simple, and yet so enjoyable.   And now I have a nice stack of pretty blue and green fabrics on my desk, waiting to make that pattern in my mind a reality.
• Making a spur of the moment decision to take in a concert.  And relishing every single moment of the experience.  Not regretting for an instant that I was there but instead loving the incredibly talented piano player and his music.  Music that feeds my soul….a treasure.
• Enjoying some time to catch up with an old friend.  Never an easy task, with our busy lives it seems to get more difficult as time goes on.  We’re both committed to other things, other projects.  And yet, when we can spare a few minutes to sit down and catch up, it’s priceless.  I wish it could happen more often than once or twice a year, but so far that’s not possible.  It’s not about finding good coffee (which I don’t even drink!) or going out to eat…just sitting down to talk on a park bench works.  I treasure those times together.   And we both agree—we need to make it a higher priority.   In the meantime, we catch what we can and enjoy the simplicity of uncomplicated, long-time friendship. 

It was an incredibly refreshing weekend.  Never long enough, of course, and yet when I came home I felt ready to face the world again.  I love the opportunity to step back from the busy, crazy, wonderfully fun life at home and just take a deep breath.  Relax a bit.  Feed my soul.  Focus on the blessings in life.  Enjoy the simple things…sunshine, music, creativity, good books, good friends.  Makes me remember just how grateful I am for the life I have been given.  I am truly blessed. 

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.    ~James 1:17

striking a balance

Several times in the last 8 weeks, Jim and I have been on a parenting panel of ‘experienced’ (read that OLD!) parents answering questions for the young families at church.  We’ve participated in panels on Parent/Child Relationships, Transitions, and Education Choices, including a discussion of parenting special needs children.  It’s been great fun, and we’ve had the opportunity to spend some time reviewing and refining our own parenting practices.  Each week, before the panel discussion, we receive a list of questions that will be asked.  Not all of them come up, but we try to prepare answers for all so that we don’t look like idiots.  :)

The first week, on Parent/Child Relationships, there was one question that didn’t get asked, and I wish it had.  The question was

How do you strike a balance between rules and relationship?

It’s a great question.   But it wasn’t asked.  I’ve spent lots of time thinking about this question over the last 6 weeks.  And I think it needs to be addressed.  The question assumes that RULES and RELATIONSHIPS are in conflict!  They’re not…at least at our house.  That’s because at our house there really aren’t rules.  Not in the traditional sense, anyway.  Rules are generally a set of ‘do’s and don’ts’ for behavior.  If you think about it much, you know that most rules are ‘don’ts’ guiding behavior.  Instead of rules, we have a set of foundational principles guiding behavior.  Why is that different?  Because it is not a set of do’s and don’ts.  So…what do they look like?  This:

• Honor and obey God with our words and actions
• Treat others with kindness, honor, love, and respect
• Watch our words
• Work for God
• Be a good steward

Each of these principles has a Biblical basis, meaning we can support the principle with scriptures.   (I have a long list of references for each principle.  If you’re interested, let me know.  We gladly share!)Having expected standards of behavior is so much simpler than having rules!  Why?  Well, think about this:

You have a rule in your house that you don’t run in church.  But tonight is AWANA, and it’s held at church.  It’s your child’s first time attending, and there’s a games portion of the evening.  One of the games they play is 'Duck Duck Goose, which requires running.  Your child is put in an awkward position—play the game and break the family’s rule about running in church, or choose to obey by sitting out and miss the fun.

Clearly, that’s a very simple problem, but it illustrates well how having foundational principles can be so much simpler.  How?  Well, at our house there’s no rule against running in church.  When our guys have tried it, we’ve talked about whether or not that action is showing respect to those around us.  If not, then we choose to honor them by refraining from the behavior.  So, if we’re in the gym at a business meeting, running is inappropriate—it’s not showing honor and respect for others.  If we’re at AWANA during game time, then go for it!  Running is completely acceptable. 

Using principles like those above allows parents to equip their children’s decision making tool box with appropriate filters for making good decisions about their actions.  That’s the goal of rules, too, but they seldom work that way because there’s no development of internal controls.  Equipping children to make decisions, allowing them to do so, then talking about the results of those decisions develops maturity.  Works well.  The bonus is that there’s no sacrifice of relationship in the ‘foundational principles’ model, since the principles apply to all in the home.

Developing maturity.  Strengthening relationships.  Equipping children to make decisions.  Isn’t that what parenting is supposed to be? 

Please Mrs. First Lady, may I be the parent in my home?

Yesterday we went on a short road trip.  Jim’s aunt and uncle were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary and there was an open house in their honor in Newberg.  That’s about 3 1/2 hours from home.   With other commitments already on the calendar for part of the weekend, we opted to make it a day trip.  Leaving in the morning at the same time we’d normally leave for church, we got to Newberg about 1pm, just in time to change into ‘reception clothes’ and head over to the party.  We loved it and had a great time catching up with everyone.  Ryan and Logan were in heaven—an afternoon with their cousins is always high on their list of favorites.

So why the french fries in the picture?  Well, on the way home we stopped for dinner.  Nothing fancy, and as a matter of fact, we let the boys choose since they’d be so cooperative and well-behaved all day.  (Being allowed to choose is a special treat.  We don’t reward for expected behavior, but yesterday, with just over 6 hours in the car, it was appropriate to take their input into account.)  Their choice?  McDonalds, of course. It’s definitely not my favorite, but on the rare occasions we eat fast food I can deal with it. 

The boys LOVE Happy Meals.  They eat the food.  They love the toys.  They think the french fries are pretty delicious.  And roughly 2 ounces of french fries (maybe 30 or so fries) really isn’t too bad in the grand scheme of things.  I mean really—they eat healthily every day.  A treat once in a while should be just that:  a treat.  Yeah.  Not so much any more.  McDonalds has cut the amount of fries in their Happy Meals to just over 1 ounce, or approximately 14 fries.  (Yes, I counted.  Both containers.)  Instead, you get apple slices with your meal now.  Ummm….really?  REALLY?  When did I lose my ability to make decisions for my children?  And apple slices?  Are they organic apples?  What preservative was used so they’d stay pretty and white all sliced in their cellophane bag? And how about that caramel sauce handed out with it?  Doesn’t the sugar content and the calories of THAT treat roughly equal that of 15 fries?  It’s such a crock.  And to make things even better, when they were done, they were still hungry so we bought some McFlurrys for the road.  NOT how we would choose to do things, and certainly not healthy.  From this point forward, on the rare occasions we eat at McDonalds, they’ll now be sharing an ‘adult’ meal instead of having Happy Meals.  More food to keep tummies happy, and cheaper too.  I guess I’ll be grateful for that.

I have 2 little boys.  LITTLE boys.  One of them is barely on the weight chart for his age, having just cracked the 7th percentile.  The other is larger, but still only in the 45th percentile for his age.  Their consumption of McDonalds fries as an occasional treat will not make them obese.  Heavens…if it would put some weight on my littler guy, I’d buy them more often!  As it is, we struggle to help him gain weight.  Cutting his caloric intake is definitely not on my radar!  I’d appreciate being able to make those decisions myself, based on the needs in my family.   

It’s a sorry state of affairs when school recesses are being canceled, the ability to walk and play and run and ride bikes is seriously curtailed due to ‘safety concerns’ and work schedules and the primary approach to childhood obesity is to remove a parent’s freedom to choose how to feed their children.    I laughed when I saw Jimi Hendrix’s quote that says

“I'm the one that has to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life, the way I want to.”

There’s a hint of truth in it, for sure.  And I think that Dwight D. Eisenhower hit it in his State of the Union address in February 1953:

“To be true to one’s own freedom is, in essence, to honor and respect the freedom of all others.”

So please, Mrs. First Lady, can you please keep your hands…and your laws…out of my feeding of my children?  Will you please respect and honor my freedom?  No one forces people to eat McDonalds fries!  But when you restrict them, you are limiting my freedom.  There HAS to be a better way than dictating what our children can and cannot eat!

*Note:  I am far less frustrated and angry than I was last night.  :)  The whole thing is incredibly stupid, and it’s hit a hot button with me.  Ridiculous laws that don’t address the root cause of the problem (High fructose corn syrup, anyone?  How about excessive consumption of carbohydrates?  And don’t get me started on ‘fat free’ foods like sour cream and cream cheese…how on earth can all those chemicals be good for us???) only serve to perpetuate the issue.  Until we learn to eat foods that remember where they came from, foods that were lovingly made with fresh ingredients in home kitchens, and spend more time outside running, jumping, playing, and working like we used to, the problem will continue to grow.

Whew!  I feel better now.  Thanks for letting me vent.

newsflash

Today’s news:  61 months and 2 bone marrow transplants after his original diagnosis of ALL (acute lymphocytic leukemia), my nephew Nicholas is CANCER-FREE!!   His blood work and bone marrow are completely free of any signs of leukemia.  PRAISE GOD!!

Thanks for praying with us and for him over the years.  ‘Grateful‘ doesn’t even begin to cover it…

another great article!

Katie is getting famous.  :)  (Just preparing her for life as a top notch Division I basketball player!)  There’s been another article published about her and her family…you can read it here. 

And while you read it, you can rejoice with us!  She’s finished her first round of treatment.  She’s feeling better and hopes to get back to school sometime soon.  The doctors are thrilled with the way she’s responding to treatment.  The road is still long and there’s still a need for prayer, but today is a day of rejoicing and praise!

crazy days

Life right now is crazy…bordering on overwhelming.  As a matter of fact, I told Jim yesterday that when life is so busy I only have time to do the grocery shopping on Saturday, I’ve got too much on my plate!  I know it will slow down, and even more than that I am painfully aware of how much I will miss some of this next fall.  In the meantime, I’m just hanging on, hoping to avoid a total meltdown.

Tomorrow is Monday. And it’s back to the grindstone (so to speak, anyway).  Here’s typical week for us:

• Monday:  laundry, school, speech therapy, high school student here, volleyball
• Tuesday:  school, teach preschool, speech therapy, occupational therapy, errands
• Wednesday:  clean house, laundry, school, grocery store, high school student here, volleyball
• Thursday:  school, speech therapy (3 hour trip, as it’s 45 miles to therapy this day), small group
• Friday:  tidy house, vacuum and mop, laundry, finish any incomplete school for the week, relax (maybe.  hopefully)

Then there are this week’s bonuses:   tomorrow we get to add a doctor’s appointment for Tori, hoping that she’ll be cleared to retun to play volleyball again.  Tuesday we have a couple errands on the docket that are critical and must be done on Tuesday.  Wednesday and Thursday are ‘normal’ days; Friday is Logan’s 7th birthday and I have the honor of taking dinner to some friends.  Saturday is an all day volleyball tournament about 30 miles north of here and a birthday dinner for Logan.  Somewhere in all this I have to get out my sewing machine and finish his birthday gifts, or he’ll be having a present-less birthday.

It can feel way overwhelming.  Some of it is a huge challenge.  Speech therapy, at about 3 hours a week for actual therapy plus the additional practice daily at home, takes a gigantic chunk of time.  Thursdays especially, since it’s an hour each direction.  It shoots most of the day for us.  I get frustrated by it, but I have to remind myself that we are here because God chose this child for our family.  He placed this young man here, in our home.  He trusts us to care for this little boy, to advocate for him and to give him the best we have.  I often remind myself of Colossians 3:23  “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.”  The reminder that all this is to honor God doesn’t necessarily make it easier, but it sure helps keep my attitude in check! 

The next thing to go on the calendar is for me.  I hope to get another weekend away for myself sometime soon.  I can feel myself getting raggedy around the edges and know that I need time to recoup.  The calendar is pretty full, but somehow I’m going to fit it in.  Soon, I hope!  Refreshment for my soul has to be part of the schedule, or I can’t keep up the pace.  It comes in applying Psalm 90:12

Teach us to number our days aright,
   that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

Numbering my days aright to gain a heart of wisdom?  Sounds worth the effort me…

field trip!

Monday we spent the day at the zoo.  The weather was less than delightful, but the company was perfect and the boys had an incredibly good time.  They loved having an older friend along, and were thrilled to meet up with Rachel and her mom Anne.  As a bonus, we saw some families from church who homeschool…families with students the same age as the boys.  I knew one family did, but the other was a surprise.  How fun for the boys to see that one of their little buddies was home too!  Now maybe we’ll have the opportunity for some playdates.  :)

mom

I came to an awkward realization a few weeks ago:

I have become my mother.

It’s not a bad thing.  It does feel strange.  It hit me last month when I was at Costco.  I was buying groceries like normal and passed the chocolate covered almonds (yum!).  I looked at them for a brief moment, then decided I would wait.  After all, Emily loves them and she was going to be home from school the following weekend.  I’d wait ‘til she was home, take her to Costco, and buy her a container to take back to school.  Almost as soon as I finished the thought, I realized that it was exactly the type of thing my mother used to do.  Still does, as a matter of fact.  And I laughed. 

I remember the first time I ever thought I was turning into my mother.  Brent was probably about 5 or 6, and we were headed someplace in the car.  Someone said something, and my immediate response was something my mother would say.  I took a deep breath in and tried to come to terms with the thought.  I was too young to be her!  It wasn’t fair.  Then I realized…there are far worse things in life!  I let go of the concern and went on with life.

Now Brent is 22, and I’m becoming more like Mom all the time.  I say the same things she would.  We like the same kinds of things.  We have some of the same hobbies (but she’s a far better quilter than I).  Our mannerisms are very similar.  Heavens…we cook the same dinner several nights a week without talking about it!   The whole thing just makes me laugh.

Mom turned 70 last week.  We had a birthday dinner to celebrate.  While she was here, I watched her.  And something dawned on me.  Becoming my mother is a good thing!  She’s all the things I want to be when I grow up.  She loves her children and grandchildren unconditionally.  She’s involved in their lives—everything from watching their sporting events to reading them books for the 897th time.  She’s generous (to a fault, my dad might say!).  She gives from her heart.  She’s fun to be with.  She is genuine and loves people.  She talks lots but listens well and remembers much.  She and Dad will celebrate their 48th anniversary in December.  Dad’s been retired for over 20 years, and she still enjoys having him around.  :) 

“Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life.” ~Proverbs 16:31

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”  ~Proverbs 31:30

Thanks Mom!  It is a privilege to call you Mom and role model.

more about Katie

I know I posted a picture of Katie last week and a little bit about what is going on with her.  She still needs our prayers!  She’s home now, going in every morning for outpatient treatment.  Each day gets a bit worse, and according to her, yesterday’s treatment was brutal.  She’s dealing with headaches and intense nausea. She’s got a cold, which keeps her feeling crummy.  Her immune system isn’t healthy enough to fight it off, so it keeps dragging on.   Overall, she’s just kinda miserable.

But there’s another side to Katie, one that I didn’t share.  She’s an incredibly gifted athlete.  This article was published yesterday by ESPN, on their college sports site.  Check it out.  Learn a bit more about our friend, and keep her in your prayers.   They are greatly appreciated.