our day

We had an incredibly fun day with friends. To see pics , go here.  (One of the girls asked to use my camera, so I didn’t have it to take along.)    The fun was a good thing after this morning’s  incident with the deer.  :\  The boys ADORE playing with Rachel…so much so that this afternoon they decided that Rachel and her family need to move onto our street so they can play together more often.  That sounds about right…

an early morning fright

Now that the sun is shining, I’m quite grateful to be alive.  I was nearly scared to death this morning in the dark.  It was 5:40; Jim had already left for work and everyone else was upstairs sleeping.  I was sitting at the table looking over the newspaper when outside I heard a noise.  A loud noise.  The sound of something dropping.  On the back porch.  Like right on the other side of the wall from the kitchen table!  Yikes.  I got up from the chair, walked to the sliding glass door, and came face to face with..

 

…a DEER!  Standing on my back patio, contentedly munching on the apples in the buckets that Jim had picked the other day.  I was tied up Wednesday and gone yesterday, so dealing with them was on my calendar for today.  Never in a million years did it occur to either of us that we needed to put them in the garage…we’ve lived here 18 years, always done this at the end of September, and never had a problem. 

The deer looked me in the eye and took a step away from the bucket, quite clearly waiting for me to go back to the table so she could get back to her feast.  I turned on the porch light and waved my hands; she moved a few steps further away.  I took a deep breath and slid the door open (all the while thinking “You are a first class IDIOT!!”) and she started for the back fence.  Gathering all my courage, I stepped out on to the back porch, and in a flash she jumped our 6’ fence.  Good riddance!  Go eat the neighbor’s crops for a bit, sweetheart.  :\

Clearly, now, we’re going to have to make some changes.  It’s been a long frustrating summer with our newest yard guest.  My roses have been destroyed.   Our tomatoes never had a chance.  My only peach was enjoyed by a deer, not by any of us.  The cherry tree has been decimated.  The raspberries are, apparently, quite delectable.  As are the strawberries.  This.  Will.  NOT. work.  I’m sorry, dear deer, but you are NOT welcome here.  And next summer?  Think again before you try and make my garden your buffet table.  (Hopefully by then we’ll have some sort of remedy for this issue!!)

In the meantime, I am very grateful that it was only a deer in my backyard this morning.   It could have been something worse.  And after all, perspective is everything.

5 years ago

Some days are indelibly etched in my mind.  I vividly recall all sorts of details about those days.  September seems to have more than its share of them: 

• Saturday, September 13, 1986—our wedding. 
• Friday, September 16, 1994—Victoria is born. 
• Tuesday, September 11, 2001—the attack on the US. 
• Thursday, September 1, 2005—our referral for Ryan arrives in Seattle and we see his picture for the first time. 

And Wednesday September 20, 2006.  8:15AM.  I was sitting in the family room on the floor playing with 20 month old Ryan.  The big guys were all 4 at school for the first time in several years since Tori was in the 7th grade at Seattle Christian.  Emily, 9th grade, Hailey, 10th grade, and Brent, 12th grade, had already been at SCS for a year or two.  The house was mostly quiet when the phone rang.  It was my sister on the other end.  And she was crying.

Her 4 year old had been sick, and they’d been to the pediatrician for a blood draw to see if his diagnosis of strep was a systemic infection.  Through her tears, she told me that the dr. had called and asked her to get her husband and her son and meet at the oncologist’s office.  She was, understandably, terrified.

After a long day of waiting (for us) and an interminable day of medical terms and plans of action (for them) we learned that Nicholas had Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia, or ALL.  He was admitted to the hospital at that point to begin treatment.  Ted, their older son, had just started 1st grade.  Trying to manage a 4 year old in the hospital and an almost 7 year old in school all day was overwhelming.  I got on a plane Thursday to go help out.  It was far easier for us to adjust and make arrangements for Ryan than it was to expect Pam to be able to do it all alone.  I spent 4 days in Boise, then flew home for Ryan’s readoption hearing.  When it was done, he and I flew back to continue to help out.

It’s been a rough road.  Nick’s treatment was initially successful, but over the years he’s relapsed several times.  Treatment was hard, and Nick lost his hair.  Many times.  He’s been on steroids, and we’ve seen the bald, moon faced Nick more than once.

The first bone marrow transplant was in March 2009.  At this point Nick was being treated in Seattle, so he was closer to (our) home.  Pam and the boys were living at the Ronald McDonald house, and Tony was in school full time in Boise.  It was not fun.  Not for anyone.  But God is faithful, and some things changed.  Tony was able to join them here.  Didn’t make the circumstances any less ugly, but it helped to have him here. 

Nick’s first transplant was a success, and his recovery was (relatively) quick.  (I know…it depends on who you ask!)  Sadly, when he had his 1 year post transplant workup, the doctors discovered that Nick had again relapsed.  The odds were definitely stacked against them.  But there were no other options.  Late September 2010, Nick had a second bone marrow transplant.  This was much rougher, and included a stay in ICU.  There were some scary moments.  But you know what?  God is SO faithful!  Look at Nick today:

He’s healthy.  He looks incredible!  He’s attending the neighborhood school and playing football.  In late October he has his 1 year post transplant appointments and follow up.  It’s tense for sure, and I would bet that at some level Pam and Tony are holding their breath.  But they also know that for the first time in a very long time, Nick feels GOOD.  He feels HEALTHY.  And he’s not afraid to tell you that.  If you asked him, he’d say he’s got this thing beat. 

5 years later, we are rejoicing.  The miracle is Nick, the praise is God’s.  And it doesn’t get much better than this.

at what point do you get concerned?

There’s a child in this house who is totally, completely unable to entertain himself.  Without a sibling or a parent to play with, he’s at a loss.  Unless someone is (figuratively) holding his hand every minute, he cannot do it.  He can’t play cars or Legos or anything else alone for even 5 minutes.  He LOVES passive entertainment, and hates that we keep TV/movies/electronic games to a bare minimum. (For him, anyway.  It’s less limited for some of the others, who are capable of entertaining themselves, can read, and have rich imaginations.) If someone isn’t actively engaging him and directing his play, he does one of two things:  1)  he wanders around the house from person to person, moping and pestering; or 2)  he will start imitating the closest person, without having much (any?) independent thought.  He mimics his brother, parroting nearly everything that is said.  If one person asks for something, he immediately perks up and says, “Oh!  Me too please!”  Doesn’t matter who is talking or what they’re asking for…he request is always for “Me too.”  Some days it seems that he’s totally incapable of a single independent thought. He does, clearly, have some independent thoughts, but they feel few and far between.

I’ve long wondered about an overall developmental delay.  He seems to be stuck in many ways at 3 years old.  His drawings look like those of a 3 year old.  His fine motor skills are about on par with a 3 year old.  His gross motor skills are only slightly better than the average 3 year old.  His language skills are a bit beyond 3 years, but his construction and syntax sure aren’t.  And after 2 years of speech therapy focusing on grammar, syntax, and vocabulary, we’re not seeing much progress.  :\ (He also has speech therapy for articulation, where progress is very slow, but we are seeing progress.)  His impulse control is on par with a 3 year old…if it’s that good.  His emotional responses to frustration and disappointment mimic those of the neighborhood toddler.  For the last bit, it’s been like living with a perpetual 3 year old.  Don’t get me wrong—I LOVE 3 year olds.  I adore their inquisitiveness and their zest for life.  I also love the fact that they are learning and growing every day, continually making forward strides.  We’re stuck deep in early 3’s here.  No signs of forward strides.  And it’s getting a bit frustrating.

I understand about orphanage delays, but this child has been home long enough that he should have outgrown much/all of that already.  He’s been home almost exactly as long as he lived in China!  One would think that we’d see progress…

So…with an impending visit to the Craniofacial Clinic at Children’s, where they have developmental pediatricians as part of the team, would you ask to have him seen by one?  We don’t currently have a dev. ped. on the team—his craniofacial pediatrician is a geneticist—but we have an awesome nursing care coordinator who could set it up for us.  Or, should I just take him to our regular (and excellent!) pediatrician and see what he says? 

when actions speak louder than words

“More is caught than taught.”  If I ever doubted it before, I don’t any more.  We got a package in the mail for our anniversary.  It included an original canvas and a letter. 

It said:

Happy 25th anniversary!  I don’t know where I would be without you both…literally and figuratively!  Like I said in the note with the flowers, I admire the relationship that you two have modeled and I could not have asked for a better example of how a marriage should work.

I have learned that happiness is not dependent on the other person, but happiness sure is able to come from that person.

I have learned that relationships are an equal balance of compromise and cooperation.

I have learned that personal wants and desires sometimes need to be sacrificed for a marriage to work, but the unexpected blessings that arise leave absolutely no room for regret. 

I have learned that there are specific roles in marriage that each spouse has, neither being subservient to the other.

I have learned that love is not always in the form of words or touch, but in doing the little things.

I have learned that marriage gives you someone who will always love you even if your jokes are lame.

I have learned that a true relationship is one that is felt not only in the good times and the bad times, but all the boring time in between too.

I have learned that a marriage cannot be founded on the fallibility of each other, but on the infallibility of Christ.

I have learned that marriage is a dynamic and continuous learning experience—for there are always aspects that can be bettered.

I have learned that to get respect, you have to give respect.

There is plenty more I could say, but here is one last one:

I have learned that a marriage is something, that after 25 years, both will sit on the couch at nigh (one browsing—browsing, eh?—train prices on the computer and the other eagerly scrutinizing her quilting handiwork) and wonder how in the world it has gotten to be 25 years.

(the painting)

As for the gift, I would like to explain it because otherwise it is simply an abstract piece of art.  Which I specifically chose to do, mind you, because then if it ended up looking terrible no one can judge…it’s abstract art, people!  Haha.  So to begin, I would like you to notice the colors in the painting: red, white, silver, and golden yellow.  First off, we have the red and white striped background.  Together, red and white are used as ceremonial Japanese wedding colors; oftentimes the newlywed couple receives red and white ornaments as a tangible symbol of happiness and celebration.  The color red signifying passion and the color white symbolizing purity; I believe strongly both colors imply two important facets in a successful marriage.  Moving on, I would like you to notice the sprinkled gray and golden yellow paint.  The color yellow is sometimes understood as the color of joy and happiness, both being attitudes which I have witnessed through my cognizant years of your marriage.  Furthermore, the complete luxury and richness of life and in heart that comes from a marriage is typified by the golden hues of the yellow paint.  Lastly, however insensitive and callous it may sound, the silver color archetypally represents old age.  But what I would love to focus on is not the graying of your hairs but the wisdom and sagacity that has come out of your many years of life together.  Silver symbolizes security, reliability, and maturity, which likewise are all aspects of your marriage that I see firmly today.

I love you both more than words can say…

There’s no way on earth we could have intentionally taught all this.  Heavens—some of this is simply a result of being committed to the marriage, not specifically a conscious decision to act in a certain way.  It’s far more than I ever hoped or dreamed they would see in us. I am humbled.  God’s faithfulness is seen by those around us, simply by acting in a manner worthy of Christ.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. ~Phil 2:3-4

**One thing to note:  this came from our child whose gift is most definitely words.  She’s a talented writer and artist.  But the others gave gifts that are equally thoughtful, and much more fitting to their personalities.  We have a child with an incredible servant’s heart.  We have one with the gifts of mercy and compassion.  We have one blessed with a quick wit and a tender heart.  All of them expressed their love to us in their own unique style.  It just happens that this example is the easiest to share…

too fast

From this……

to this…

in the blink of an eye.  Where does it go??

Happy 17th birthday, sweet girl!   It’s a joy and a privilege to be your mom.  You bring sunshine to everyone around you.  Thanks for being just who you are!  We love you.

where does the time go??

25 years ago, we got married.  Hardly seems possible that it was so long ago.  But it was. 

Clearly we were quite a bit younger.

It’s been quite the adventure and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. 

 

Here’s to 25 more.  At least.  :)

hero

He ro  noun \ˈhir-(ˌ)ō\  plural –roes  A person, typically a man, noted for feats of courage, especially one who has risked or sacrificed his life.  (The American Heritage Dictionary, 2nd College Edition.  © 1982)

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of the word hero?  I know for most of us, there’s an immediate response.  For me?  Simple.  It’s people like our neighbor Bill, a police officer on a local force; our friends John and Susan, with their ministry to homeless men and their commitment to homeless single moms with children;  a whole group of dads we know who are firefighters; my brothers in law (Jim’s brothers—all 3 of them!), our nephew, my dad and grandfather, and our son, who have willingly served in the armed forces—those are the first people who come to mind. 

None of those people have sacrificed their lives to help others, and some of them have never even really put themselves at (serious) risk for others, but they all have another characteristic in common—they selflessly put others ahead of themselves.  They are willing to meet the needs of others, to take care of others, and not count the cost to themselves.  They willingly sacrifice things besides their lives:  creature comforts, financial gain, safety, peace and quiet.  They are, to a number, people whose lives exemplify qualities I would be proud to see in my own children.

It’s hard to help kids understand real heroes.  Real heroes don’t have superpowers like Spiderman or Superman.  Those are things most kids—boys especially!—find so attractive.  But even then, they can learn at an early age that superpowers are not the only important thing for a hero.  My little guys have a friend who is beginning to get it.  Collin is 5, and he’s enchanted with Superman.  He wears his Superman cape everywhere, and lives to wear his Superman shirt.  But Collin’s parents are very good at helping Collin understand that being a hero is more than just having special superpowers.  How do I know that Collin is getting it?  Well, he made this:

 

to let the world know that inside that house, there was a young man willing to make sacrifices on your behalf. And, if I know Collin, he’d do it quite happily for a cookie.  :)  

The thing is…most of us don’t do a very good job of training up our children, our boys, to believe that being a hero is something they can do.  Something they are capable of achieving.  In that regard, Collin is light years ahead of his peers.  That’s a good thing.  Way to go, Mom and Dad.  Keep up the good work.

And Collin?  If I ever need a hero, I promise you’ll be the first person I call!

apparently…

my garden…

has a new ‘friend.’

:(

it’s back….

Volleyball season, that is.  Today was the season opening jamboree.  I’d forgotten how crazy volleyball days can be!  School this morning…visit from my brother in law and his wife…make 13 meals for the team (and coach and bus driver.  I signed up for the 1st game, to get it over with)…get them to school in time to make the bus…dash back home to pack OUR dinner…head north to the jamboree (game time?  5pm.  Location?  30 miles north of us, THROUGH Seattle at rush hour.  Such fun!)…watch volleyball until 8pm…come back home and tuck tired boys into bed…clean kitchen from the mess of making 17 sack meals.

Whew!  1 down, 14 more to go.  Sadly, it’s ONLY 14 more this time, since Tori is a senior and this is the last year for high school volleyball at our house.  I will miss it!  It was fun to watch the new team work together.  They’ve got some kinks to work out, but they’ll get there! 

We enjoyed our visit with Uncle Jay and Aunt Christy today.  Or, perhaps more accurately, the boys liked meeting Uncle Jay and Aunt Christy and LOVED seeing Dixie and Dakota, their dogs.  Jay recently retired after 24 years in the Air Force, and they’re doing a bit of traveling before they settle into ‘civilian’ life.  It was so much fun to have them here!  Jim and I saw Jay just last year at Brent’s graduation from boot camp, but none of the rest of the family has seen them for 5 years.  That means Ryan was a baby, and they’ve never met Logan until this weekend.  The boys have new best friends, and we had such a wonderful time just catching up a bit.  It will be so nice to have them closer to us and able to come to family holiday celebrations!  No, Utah’s not that close, but it’s sure closer than North Dakota!!  Now, to get their son transferred out this direction…  Arkansas is just too far away.  :)

Family…fun…a visit from Emily…a promised visit from Brent…what a great way to start September!  Even if the whole “first day craziness” of volleyball snuck up on me this year.  I’m gonna enjoy this while it lasts, ‘cause I KNOW for sure I’ll miss it next year!