lessons from retreat

I left the retreat on Sunday feeling uncomfortable.  God had re-opened some questions that I thought were answered…closed…finished.  The hard part is that they’re not just MY questions, they are OUR questions—Jim’s and mine.  Jim’s not there yet, not ready to re-open them.  So I drove home trying to figure out how to cope with the prickly feelings of conviction, not remembering that if it is truly a God thing, then HE will be faithful to bring Jim to the table.   Fortunately (?) Jim’s gone this week, so I didn’t have the opportunity to rush ahead of God, and now I remember so we’ll see where He leads this conversation.

It has been interesting.  As I’ve mulled over Ele’s words from this weekend, God has provided me several opportunities to share what I learned.  In a different direction than I personally was being challenged and convicted.  It’s so cool to see the timeliness of this. 

Ele shared the reminder that we all are valuable to God—He created each of us.  Becoming a woman of significance and purpose, though, is a choice.  It requires that we remember some things first though.  Things like “…”He determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live.”  (Acts 17:26b).  You ARE where God would have you!  Exactly where you should live!  Wow.  But there’s more.  We need to allow Him to “Teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” (Ps 90:12)  Those things have to happen before we can pursue becoming people of significance and purpose.

So what does it take to be significant to God?   Remembering the 3 non-negotiables:

• being a person of prayer (James 1:5-8)   
• being a person of faith (Hebrews 11:1)
• being a person of the word of God  (2 Tim 2:15)

and applying them to life.  Daily.  Thinking through those non-negotiables, look at where you are growing and where you are stuck.  Hmmm…

Then we talked about the two things we ARE as believers (salt and light, Matthew 5).  About worry and fear.  About how to deal with a spirit of fear, and what happens if we are released from the fear but don’t fill that space with the things of God.  About the antidote to worry and fear (Phil 4:6) and the peace that comes as a byproduct of obedience (Phil 4:7).  Then we did a fascinating exercise.  Make a list of the following words (Phil 4:8), then beside them write their opposites:

• true
• noble
• right
• pure
• lovely
• admirable
• excellent
• praise-worthy                                                    

Where am I living?  What occupies my thinking?  Am I living in such a way that what should be an 11 day journey takes 40 years (see Deut. 1).  That’s not how I want it to be!  Fortunately, I have the power—and the tools—to make change it.

“May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable to you, O Lord"…”  ~Psalm 19:14

*********************************************************

Busy day tomorrow.  Logan’s having his gross motor skills and his fine motor skills re-evaluated by the school.  He may qualify for therapy again since his skills have not improved relative to his like aged peers.  Then Victoria comes back from her backpacking trip to Catalina Island and heads out directly for Portland for the weekend.  Looks like she’s going to miss the bus, and I’ll have to take her.  Quick trip down and back.  What is it with long distance day trips these days?!?  She returns Sunday afternoon.  Next week is spring break around here…hopefully the sun will come out and things will slow down!  And then on Friday?  I’m off to Pullman.  Again.  This time it’s for the weekend, to enjoy Moms Weekend with my girl.  Sounds heavenly.

stumped

By a preschool readiness worksheet, no less!

Here are the directions:  “Decide how the first 2 pictures in each row relate to each other.  For example, you can live in a house or a tent, but the house is fancier.  Now think about the glass.  Using the pictures from the bottom of the page, cut out the one that could also be used like a glass but is just not as fancy and paste it in the box next to the glass.”  Sounds simple…and the first question is.  There’s a paper cup in the pictures on the bottom of the page. 

Here’s the one I am fairly sure Logan won’t get:

Giraffe is to palm tree as mushroom is to ____________.

Now, I can see the correct answers, but how exactly would you pick BUG as the right one? 

It will be interesting to see how this works…

lightbulb moment

Logan has something called bilateral vestibular hypofunction.  Basically, that means that his inner ear, his balance center, doesn’t function properly.  He struggles with everyday things like sitting (and staying!)  on chairs and walking down the street.  With vestibular issues come vision issues, and Logan is no exception.  He has difficulty with something called visual figure ground discrimination, which means that it is difficult for him to find a single item in a busy setting.  Where’s Waldo books?  Forget it!  And when you combine his vestibular issue with his (significant) hearing loss, you have a problem.  In addition to not hearing well, it’s HIGHLY likely that Logan has an auditory processing dysfunction.  Auditory processing dysfunction is when the brain and the ears aren’t communicating well, and the message received does not match the message sent.  We see evidence of this every day.

The lightbulb moment?  Today, when I read that people with bilateral vestibular hypofunction have to rely on their senses of taste, smell, and touch to get appropriate input from the world (since their eyes and ears and balance don’t work correctly).  THAT is the likely reason Logan is so danged tactile, always always always touching.   It helps explain why I say ‘take that out of your mouth please’ 150 times a day to like he’s 2 instead of 6.   And it made me realize, again, just what a complex puzzle he really is.

<sigh>  We still have SO far to go…

6 years

6 years ago today, a 9 week old baby boy was left on the orphanage steps in the night.  Who left him there?  Did they kiss him goodbye?  Do they still miss him?  Do they ever wonder what happened to him?  Was it his momma or his daddy?  Or was he taken away by someone else?  Is March 28 as difficult for them as it is for him?

Three years ago I wrote this, about how abandonment day is for Ryan.  This year it has been horrific.  And, it’s been compounded by having his tonsils out.  By Mommy being gone all weekend.  By Daddy leaving today to spend some time with Brent.  By sister leaving yesterday.  Tonight, one teary frightened little boy is struggling to keep himself together, panicky with fear that those he loves won’t come back.  And it breaks my heart.

Healing.  Every year we see progress, but we’re definitely not there yet.  How long?  I wish I knew…

ahhhhhh

Such a beautiful place!  It was a wonderful weekend.


And the food?  Oh my word!  We started out with dinner on Friday:  salmon, asparagus, salad, and lemon cake for dessert.  It was heavenly!  As the weekend progressed, the food only got better.  I could have stayed longer just for the food.  :)
The speaker was challenging, and the time was refreshing.  Looking forward to next year.

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing you praise...
~From the Inside Out by Hillsong United

I thought I was more mature than this!

I am headed out of town this afternoon with some friends for a ladies weekend.  As I stood in my closet contemplating what to pack, it occurred to me that I was fretting about what to wear and how I would look while with my friends!  OY!  I thought I left the teen years long ago…but clearly, no.  <sigh> 

Some things never change, I guess.  But one thing’s for sure:  regardless of what I wear or what my friends think about my clothing choices, it WILL be an awesome, fun, refreshing weekend.  Can’t wait!  See you in a few days…

such blessings!

When things get really ugly, looking up is much more beneficial than looking down.  Tuesday started out horribly.  Ryan was still dealing with a low grade fever and a sore throat; as a result he was a whiny weepy mess.  Logan was tired of Ryan’s continued neediness (as was I!) and really wanted someone to PLAY with.  I was exhausted, and fed up with everyone and everything.  It was so bad that I seriously considered skipping our usual Tuesday morning routine and crawling back into bed.  But we didn’t…

Instead, we headed out for our normal Tuesday.  God used the gals at church to touch my heart in a big way.  Two gals work with me on a regular basis, and both of them came in earlier than normal just to help out.  They knew we’d had a rough couple of days and thought it would be helpful.  It was!  Their love and concern was so encouraging.  On the way home I decided that we were going to take the next few days off…as much as we could, anyway.  I canceled speech for Tuesday afternoon.  And for Wednesday morning.  We had a nice leisurely lunch, then went out to run a couple of errands that had to be finished.

You know what?  God showed His hand there, too.  The Suburban passed the emissions testing without trouble.  Usually it’s no big deal but it’s old and has been giving Jim fits the last few months.  Then we found the book we needed.  On sale.  And the cardstock I was looking for?  Also on sale.  :)  On the way home from the bookstore, I had to stop at the post office.  We’d received a notice that there was a registered letter for us.  I was almost panicky at the thought—it’s been just over a year since our fender bender.  (short version of a long story:  gal in left turn lane panics when light turns yellow and slams on her brakes.  In the intersection.  We stop, but not before our bumper touches hers.  Not enough force to lock our seat belts, or for the little guys in the back seat to even know something had happened.  Cracked the plastic on our license plate frame.  No other damage.  Other driver speaks no English.  Refuses insurance settlement and threatens to sue.  Statute of limitations was up March 14, 2011.) I was SURE it was something notifying us that the other driver was suing us.  It was hard not to let fear overwhelm.  When I got to the post office, it was something totally different.  Unrelated, and completely wrong, since I knew that the concern had already been handled.  I had worried and fretted for nothing.  NOTHING!  That ought to teach me…

Then, when Victoria got home, she asked permission to take the boys out for a bit.  They left at 3:30 and didn’t come back until nearly 6.  I had almost 2 1/2 hours to myself.  Blessed, peaceful silence!!  I got some things done that had been bugging me for weeks.  I read a little.  I cooked dinner without help.  And I loved every minute of it!   Then, later in the evening, I got an email from a friend, checking on me because she was concerned.  Little blessings…big blessings.  The day that had started so badly ended as one of the best days in a long time.

So…the lesson in all this? The thing I need to remember to take away from Tuesday?  When I’m feeling stressed and overwhelmed, it’s most likely because I’m looking the wrong way. 

I will lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my  help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.  He will not let your foot slip—He who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, He who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.  The Lord watches over you—the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.  The Lord will keep you from all harm—He will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.  ~Psalm 121

Lifting UP my eyes…

well doggone it

Ryan’s running a fever again.  It’s low grade, but after 4 days on antibiotics he shouldn’t be doing this at all.  Guess I’m going to have to take him back to the dr. again.  It’s been one of those weeks.  And because we’ve gone through so much Motrin and Tylenol, I have to go to the store tonight to get more!  Ugh.

This isn’t how it was supposed to work.  And I am VERY ready for the whiny, teary little boy to leave and my happy, cheerful Ryan to return.  This is getting very old…

and the winner is...

 ...STREP THROAT!  Yes, again.  Hailey has strep.  Victoria has strep.  Ryan probably has strep--dr. didn't do a culture since he had a tonsillectomy yesterday.  All signs indicate that it is what he's fighting, so he's being treated too.  Logan's been treated since Tuesday for a skin infection, likely strep or staph.  And Emily?  She's fine, at the moment.  However, since she leaves on Sunday to go back to school, our wonderful pediatrician gave me a script for her as well.  It's been filled and will be tucked into her bag when she leaves.  Hopefully she won't need it.

It was a long night.  Today will be a long day, I'm sure.  Fortunately, I feel fine.  I made these yesterday and they are heavenly!  I just had one...and will probably have another before the day is over.  Have to keep up my strength, you know.  :)  Thanks, Marye!!

 Not off to a great start this morning.  Temp in the 102-103 range.  Headed to the dr. in a few minutes.  And Hailey is sick--probably strep.  She's the one with the appt.  Ryan's coming along so that the pediatrician can see him.  We'll see how it goes.

ugh

Well, surgery went well and we came home with a tonsil-less little boy.  It’s been a mostly good afternoon, but tonight he’s running a fever.  It’s sitting just below the ‘call the doctor’ threshhold, and that’s WITH Tylenol.  I have a feeling it’s going to be a lloooonnnnggg night….

hope

What a week!  And it’s only Wednesday.  :\  Sunday we discovered a major leak in the windshield in my car.  Nothing like standing water on the floor at the driver’s seat, and water clearly dripping in.  Monday Logan got up with a funny rash on his face; now it’s infected.  Things didn’t quite connect up right Monday afternoon and I spent a couple hours playing chauffer instead of doing what I had planned (dinner for a friend with a new baby) so the dinner hour got a wee bit stressful at home.  Tuesday was one minor mishap after another, and a trip to the dr. for meds for Logan’s infection.  My big guy is dealing with his non-anniversary this week.  Someone I love is not feeling well and the doctors aren’t sure what’s wrong.  And today?  Well, the guys replacing the Suburban windshield (it’s under warranty, thankfully) didn’t show.  A couple other things fell apart that had been part of my plan for the day, and the house is a disaster.  The rain and the week were starting to get to me…but coming home from an errand this morning, God showed me this:

The flowering cherries are in bloom!  Spring is REALLY coming.  And the sun was shining for a bit too.  THAT was incredible.  I took advantage of the sunshine and got some pictures of spring.    

That last shot?  It’s the new desktop picture on my computer.  It was time to replace the snowy scene that’s been there for a while.   And it’s a good reminder that no matter how awful the weather, spring WILL come.  God promised…and He always keeps His promises. 

Oh.  One more thing!  Want to know how awesome my God is?  How much He cares?  Ryan’s having a tonsillectomy tomorrow.  Not a huge deal, but for a child with abandonment in their history, being taken from Mom and Dad, led away by strangers, then having to go to sleep and wake up in a strange place surrounded by strange people is beyond overwhelming to think about.   When we’ve done this with Logan, Children’s has been very good about working with us and allowing me to be with Logan when he goes to the OR and before he wakes up in recovery.  Not so at our local hospital, where Ryan will have his day surgery.  And I’ve been a bit worried about how he would do with all this.  His fear level has been off the charts.  But I shouldn’t have bothered.  God had it all taken care of.  One of my friends, Ann, works in day surgery.  She knows Ryan very well, and he adores her.  She wasn’t scheduled to work tomorrow, but she let me know last night that there was a change in her shift.  She’ll be there at day surgery tomorrow.  She’ll check Ryan in.  She’ll walk him to the OR and hold his hand while they put him to sleep.  She’ll be his recovery nurse.  How’s that for awesome?!? 

Between the hope of spring and the overwhelming relief for my little guy, I’m feeling very loved by God today. 

to my (former) daughter in law

Your first anniversary should be this week.  I wish I could say it’s been an awesome year.  I wish I could send a card or make a phone call to say happy anniversary.  Instead, we’re left helping our boy pick up the pieces and go on, learning to live with a broken heart.

What happened?  I know things didn’t start out exactly as everyone had hoped, but I think you know we were excited to have you as part of the family.  We loved you!  His little brothers adored you!  His sisters saw you as a great addition to the group.  We were so looking forward to having you as our daughter in law!  And you gave every impression of being excited to be part of our family.  We gave our blessing to your engagement.  Knowing that, it is strange that you two somehow felt the need to run off and get married behind our backs.   But you know what?  It didn’t take very long to figure out that it really didn’t matter that much, that we were thrilled you were now family.  How long was it before you got cold feet?

He was away at military training.  You knew when you got married that you wouldn’t be able to join him until he graduated.  You knew that it would be at least 3 months, probably 4.  No one could predict what came next—that he would be injured at the beginning of infantry school.  That he would have to spend months in medical rehab, only to be medically discharged with a serious knee injury.  At discharge, he went right back to you.  That’s where he belonged.  As much as we missed him and wanted to see him, it was far more important for him to be with you.  He was dying to be with you!  He missed you so fiercely all those months in medical! 

We knew something was up pretty quickly.  All of a sudden, he was calling his dad seeking marriage advice.  Married not quite 6 months, only together for the 2 weeks in that 6 month period, and he’s trying to cope with your attitude of  “Marriage should be fun. I”m not having fun, so it’s not working.  I don’t want to be married any more.”  What happened??  When he came home to visit us and to get his car, his eyes had a haunted look.  I think he knew then that it was likely over.  How could you?  How could you start seeing (and sleeping with!) another guy while the man you couldn’t even wait to marry was off serving in the Marine Corps?  How could you send him a text that says “It’s over.  Don’t bother coming back here.”  while he’s visiting his family?  How could you not at least give him a chance?

Now it’s time for your first anniversary.  It should be a day filled with rejoicing.  Instead, it’s a day of sadness.  I’m concerned about my boy.  He’s still heartbroken.  I don’t know exactly how he’s going to manage this week.  I know that he’s not perfect, that he brought as many issues to the table as you did.  But he LOVED you!  He WANTED to be married to you.  He would have moved heaven and earth to make you happy.  And you broke his heart.

You’ve clearly moved on.  We know that you know live with ‘that guy’ and that you’ve tried to take advantage of my son’s kind heart.  I know that hurt and anger are taking their toll on my boy.  We do talk, you know.   He suspects that your new man knows nothing about the fact that you were a married woman when you first started seeing him.  If that’s true, I hope for your sake he never finds out.

Slowly, I think he’s healing, but there are still many many bad days.  He’s definitely still afraid to allow himself to care.  That’s hard.  He keeps saying that he’s going to be the ‘rich bachelor uncle’ for his nieces and nephews someday.  I hope not.  I pray that you haven’t totally destroyed his ability to trust, to believe, to love. 

It has been one of the most painful 6 month periods we have ever had.  It’s excruciating to watch your child hurt and know that there’s nothing you can say or do to make things better.  It’s a pain that, quite frankly, I hope you never EVER know. 

You know what else?  It’s hard to admit this, but I miss you.  I miss your smile and your enthusiasm for life!  I miss talking to you and learning more about you and your chosen profession.  You were a delightful addition to our family, and we were proud and excited to call you one of us.  His little brothers miss you too.  When you chose to say goodbye to him, they lost out too, you know.  They loved you very much, and in their short lives, they have lost too many people already.  Losing you was difficult for them. 

Goodbye, sweet girl.  You are missed.

please?!?

While I love rainy grey Sundays because they allow me the opportunity to snuggle up and read to my heart’s content (and it would take at least a month of rainy Sundays to work through all the books I want to read…) I am beyond ready for spring and sunshine.   I’ve got ideas and plans and fun things to do, but they require sunshine!

Soon, please?  Pretty please?? 

one year ago

This is what we were doing this time last year:

Last Friday, when we were headed to Yakima for the state basketball tournament, we saw a convey of military vehicles crossing Snoqualmie Pass.  It was cold and snowy on the pass…probably 28 degrees…with some serious wind blowing the snow all around.  It was an ugly drive.  We saw this convey…and in each vehicle there was at least one soldier STANDING in the truck bed, facing into the wind as they drove along.  They were bundled up, but they looked absolutely frozen.  Even now, the thought brings tears to my eyes:  young men and women willing to sacrifice everything for our country.  We are blessed indeed.  Thank you for your service!

what a great day!

I had a hot date today.  Well,a double date really.  With 2 of the most darling young men on the planet.  And one of the very sweetest young ladies.  See?

We went out for lunch, then headed over to the theater to see a live production of Go, Dog. Go!  I took my nephew 8 years ago to the original, commissioned-by-Seattle-Children’s-Theater production.  It was wonderful then and totally delightful today.  Ted was only 3, so some of it went a bit over his head.  Because Ryan can read Go, Dog. Go! on his own, he thoroughly enjoyed himself.  Logan, always enthusiastic, got SO caught up in the excitement that he needed an occasional reminder to stay in his seat.   Emily, new to the story, was totally entranced.  It was a magical experience.  All three of them begged me to take them again tomorrow!  Sadly, the play closes this weekend so we won’t be able to go again.

Before we left this morning I got a phone call from my big boy.  It was SO great to talk to him!!!  We spent 45 minutes on the phone and I enjoyed every second of it.  He’s such a great young man!  I love the maturity I’m seeing, and it seems that things are finally beginning to go his way after 15 months of difficulty.  That makes me feel much better.

It poured rain on our way into Seattle today.  From the back seat, I heard 3 little voices saying “God, please stop the rain when we get there.  We want to be dry at the theater!  Thank you.  Amen.”  Fun to hear, and the faith of children—OY!  When we got to town and parked, the rain stopped and 3 delighted voices yelled “THANKS GOD!!”  How cool is that??  It didn’t rain when we walked up to lunch OR when we walked from lunch to the theater, and when the play was over the sun was shining.  Those 3 little people had eyes shining just as brightly as they exclaimed over and over about how good God was to care about something like rain on our walk. 

A magically fun day with God’s blessings and His fingerprints all over it.  What could be better than that?? 

TOTALLY fascinating!

I finally found a hearing loss simulation program.  It’s programmable, which is mandatory for us since Logan’s hearing loss is atypical.  I played around with it last night and this morning.  Oh. My. Goodness!  If what I did even remotely approximates what Logan hears (or doesn’t hear!) it’s VERY insightful.  No wonder some situations are nearly impossible for him!  No wonder he has trouble with some sounds.  And, no wonder the ‘typical’ programming for his hearing aids didn’t work.

This will be SO helpful as we move forward…

funny, and sad at the same time.

I read this blog this morning,  It’s a humorous look at the inane comments adoptive parents hear.  Often.  Even though we have 4 biological children as well as our little boys, I’ve heard #5 (from those who don’t know me, ie strangers in the store).

I think the only one she missed is the “Are they REAL brothers?” question.  Quite frankly, it’s a hard one to answer.  Are they real brothers?  Yes, of course.  They sure act like brothers!  And neither of them is plastic.  :)  I understand what the questioner is asking (are they biological brothers?) but truthfully…does it matter?  Is it ANY of your business?  They are brothers now in the eyes of God, the eyes of the law, and most important, in our eyes.  Nothing else matters. 

It can be hard to graciously express all those things.  Sometimes I fail.  Sometimes I’m not gracious about it.  Sometimes I just want to be a mom with her children, not an ambassador for adoption.   So if I snap, please forgive me.  It may mean that you are the 497th person to ask me that inane question today.   I’ll try harder to be gracious, and you try harder to not ask dumb questions, ‘k?  That way everything works out fine.  :)

whew!

It is SO nice to be solidly back in the land of the living again!  I don’t think I realized just how bad I really felt until today, when I finally started feeling better.  I’m thoroughly enjoying being free from the crud.  :)

Busy week ahead of us, with all sorts of fun new adventures.  High on the much-anticipated list is a ‘field trip’ to lunch and the theater on Wednesday.  But first, we start out with a bang:  a committee meeting at 8AM tomorrow.  Yikes!  What was I thinking when I agreed to that??  Oh well.   Emily comes home from WSU for spring break this week.  It’s a new week for school for the boys, with all sorts of fun stuff planned.  Hopefully we’ll have all the pieces we need to take the next step in procuring Logan’s FM system.  I’ve got some ideas I REALLY want to translate into a report of sorts for a friend, and I’m itching to sew another quilt.  And if the sun would just come out and stay out, I have seeds ready to plant.  Plus, if it weren’t raining, I’d find it much easier to get back into walking/running early in the morning.  I think I’m ready for spring!

Yep.  DEFINITELY feeling better!  That’s a good thing.  :)

“Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the Lord?  To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.”  ~I Sam 15:22

It’s been an ugly day.  I feel like I”m fighting some sort of bug; as a result my patience and tolerance are nearly zero.  The little guys knew that when we started this morning, but it feels like they pulled out all the stops today…whining, arguing, fighting, refusing to cooperate (with me or with one another).  By noon I was ready to chuck it all and start over tomorrow.

After lunch, they decided to play some games.  Monsteropolis Life captured their attention first.  And you know what?  With very little help from me, they played a full game.  Nicely.  Pleasantly.  Together!  And they had fun.  They realized that they don’t need me to participate in everything they do.  Once they moved on to cribbage (yes, Ryan plays well.  Logan?  Not so much) it all hit the fan.  Logan got frustrated, and started acting up, grabbing the board and stealing the pegs.  Ryan started whining. Things started flying (a HUGE no-no here) so they were sent to opposite corners.  I needed to deal with each of them individually.  Ryan went without complaining but with huge tears.  Logan pitched a massive fit, screaming and stomping his fit and yelling “NO!  You can’t MAKE me!”   Oops.  Wrong thing to say.

Logan ended up in his room.  On his bed.  Screaming at me and hating the world.  The scene wasn’t pretty, but once he settled down, the talk and snuggle were pretty sweet.  The relationship is restored, and he’s back to his delightful little self again.  And me?  I’m wondering why it is that their disobedience and subsequent restoration provides such profound insights into my relationship with God.  As Logan and I talked about obedience and control (who’s in charge here?), what happens when we disobey Mommy, and how God tells us that we have to obey our parents, the conviction started.  Yuck. 

Parts of Psalm 51 capture pretty well my heart today:

“Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.  Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me.  Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me…You do not delight in sacrifice or I would bring it.  You do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.  My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.”  ~Psalm 51:10-12, 16, 17

Will I ever learn that it’s my heart God wants?   Just like I want my children to obey me because I have their best interest at heart and I’m older and wiser than they, so God also, like a loving parent, wants my obedience.   And just like my children, when I give up the control I so desperately want (but am so not qualified to take!), then there is peace in my soul. 

A pure heart, a steadfast and willing spirit…those are the things God wants from me.  It’s really fairly simple…so why is it so dog-gone hard??

how to make your child’s night

1.  Run errand to grocery store.

2.  Decide to pick up ice cream as a treat.

3.  Find Ben and Jerry’s Mint Chocolate Cookie single servings in the clearance bin for $0.69 each.  Buy several.  Buy the Cookie Dough flavor too, since it’s also on clearance.

4.  Open.  Inspect little spoon.  Eat.  Enjoy.  Save second half of container for tomorrow night “so we can have fun again!”

This sure made their evening!

I don’t understand!!

I have two 6 year olds.  They are both boys.  They play the same kinds of games.  They both love digging in the dirt.  They are both frequently sweaty and gross.  They sit in matching car seats (or booster seats, depending on vehicle), wear matching jackets and shoes, and have very similar clothes.   There is, however, one MAJOR difference between them.  And it’s what I don’t understand!

Why is it that one of the two—and his clothes, and his car seat, and his bed, and his EVERYTHING—perpetually looks like PigPen off Charlie Brown???

<sigh>  I know it’s an unanswerable question.  But I feel better with it off my chest.  :)